Unfulfilled Dreams and what gives us the power TO DO.

Sometimes when I don't have the energy/time/motivation/whatever to do "real" scripture study I pull out this neat little book someone gave me forever ago called STAND A LITTLE TALLER.  It has a scripture and a quote from President Hinckley for everyday of the year. BJ and I have used this book for couple scripture time as well.  It is really handy.:)

Today's thought was themed: PURE IN HEART

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
-Colossians 3:8

There is no room in the heart of [anyone] for bitterness, for unkindness, for animosity to any other of the sons and daughters of God.
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

I love it when my life feels aligned with heaven.  It is so peaceful feeling even though it is usually in those times that I am working the hardest! Lately I have not been so aligned....in fact I think I have been fighting heaven....no bueno.

Lately I have been really struggling with comparing.  One of the lamest parts of chronic adrenal fatigue(one of my main physical trials) is that you don't have energy to keep yourself busy DOING things.  You are mostly left to sit down and THINK. A LOT. SO MUCH. I come from parents who were serious doers. Like build a house when they want one kinds of people.

(When I have energy I REALLY DO LOVE taking care of my nest.  Hate me if you want, I can't be bitter about that. I know I am odd.;)

I have been dreaming of this time in my life all my life, ever since I can remember.  I have notebooks and journals and binders full of clippings from magazines of how I wanted to feather my nest and love my family and BE.  But adrenal fatigue completely hampers this energetic, awesome, dreamer of a spirit.  I get so frustrated that I can't do the physical parts of this life that I want to.  I am totally willing to work hard, but my body just won't work with me! AGH! 

I love blogs and magazines and beautiful books(OHMYGATOR I LOVE THEM!!), but sometimes I have to take a break from them.  It is just too easy to compare my tired, blah everyday with highlighted beautiful bits of others lives.  I start to get angry and bitter that I am not living how I want to. Sometimes I force my body to just do what I want anyways.  Like on Easter.  I made the table beautiful, I cleaned the kitchen afterwards, and I wore the cutest apron ever and felt gorgeous and happy and how I want to feel. I worked hard and it felt good....I had my moment of special.  Life isn't often special every single moment of every single day for at least most people, but every now and then there are beautiful special moments, and I want my share!  But then I paid for it.  I used too much energy, and this week has been more difficult.  It is so completely vexing that such a seemingly small effort would cause such a difficult next few days.

I know that I am a seriously blessed woman.  I have the cutest, most darling children who love me and love the Lord.  I have the perfect husband for me.  He is romantic, he works like an ox, he doesn't mind doing housework or changing diapers, he gives me a massage every night to help my body calm down and go to sleep, he writes me love songs...I mean, truly, he is my favorite and I am so blessed to be the love of HIS life.:) And my struggles are difficult, but others have much more difficult struggles, or at least they have different struggles which I am so grateful not to have.  <---and there is the badly expressed point.  Everyone has trials and blessings.  We learn that every week in church.:)  And it is TRUE. It has been expressed that we often compare our weaknesses with others strengths. Or our trials with others blessings in this case. Comparing is so easy to do....

Anyways, doing this horrible comparing has put me, one: FAR AWAY FROM FEELING THE SPIRIT, and the following two, three, four, etc: left me feeling bitter, CRANKY, unhappy, miserable, etc, etc, etc....basically YUCK!!! TO THE MAX.

One of the obvious next things to talk about is the power of counting your blessings.  SO good to do, but that is not what I have decided to focus on.:)  (But it really is a good thing to do!!! DAILY!)

Yesterday in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and bitter and angry and frustrated with my own human-ness and woman-ness I went on a walk.  After hours of serious Braxton Hicks and feeling completely hunched-over-exhausted I don't know why I thought that was a good idea(besides the fact that I am in love with walking and with walking in my darling Provo:), but I went on a walk and cleared my mind and heaven told me to -not count my blessings- like my Mum would have immediately told me and would have been good advice, but told me to instead eat more veggies.:) It was kind of humorous to me.  We hear that all the time from our earthly parents and to hear it from my Heavenly Father at such a moment was funny and wonderful. He created this beautiful body for me. He also, I believe, has helped me create a beautiful mission in this life, that must be carried out with this specific body.  He knows what this body needs.  He knows how it could be healed, and although we are not always healed from our infirmities when we want to, I felt really strongly that Heavenly Father has led me on a path these last few years and has led me to specific people and books and schools of learning, and I have what I need to make my body be the kind of body that fulfills mine and heaven's dreams for me. I have the power in me to be healed.  To DO the work it requires.  He wants that for me, and it is IN MY PLAN.

The spirit was back as my companion and it felt so good.

It still requires hard work and energy I don't always feel I have, but my Heavenly Father has already prepared a way for me to do the work.  I just have to keep the spirit as my perfect guide and be obedient to its promptings. 

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: THIS IS A PERSONAL ONE SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHARE WHAT YOU DID, just leave a comment that you did it.:) WHAT ARE YOUR UNFULFILLED DREAMS?  MAKE A LIST OR TALK WITH YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER ABOUT THEM.  Heavenly Father loves us so much. SO MUCH!  He wants us to be happy.  Sometimes His plan of happiness is different than ours, like in specifics(I would have seriously prefered a healthier body for instance, or parents that were not divorced.), but it is often surprising to me that the most tender, sincere desires of my heart often do align with His mission for me. So go ahead, enjoy the surprise!!!!  I am so excited for this give away!  Every woman deserves a cute apron! (sorry to BJ and any other guys who read this, it really is a girls give away this week...and probably most weeks...I AM a girl, so mostly know about girl things.:)