Today we get the keys to the new house we are renting. I have to keep reminding myself that we are RENTING because it feels like it is going to be OUR house.:)
The last time we lived in a house(not including last year when we lived with my Mum:) we DID own the house. It was our own little cottage. We lost that house because of so many hard life things that hit us. We were able to get rid of it through a short sale, which was a huge blessing, but it still felt like failure in a lot of ways. We had to leave A LOT of things behind with that house because we didn't have the money to move it, and we didn't have a place of our own to move it to since we were going to temporarily(for how long we didn't know) be living with my folks.
That year in WA was a huge blessing. So much healing began to process in the BJHamaker family. Physically, emotionally, etc.
Moving to Utah this last Fall felt like the beginning of life again. When you are so busy being sick, and dealing with hard life things you can't really live normal life things. You can't really enjoy the pleasures of a daily/weekly routine. You don't get family pictures taken because you don't have the time or money. You don't really have a wardrobe because you are spending all your money trying to keep up with the bills and feeding your family and buying medicine.
Right now my husband has a job that can pay for ALL the bills. Right now we are making a move from a tiny apartment to...a tiny house.:) BUT! A tiny house with a big backyard and tons of storage space, and right by the park and so many awesome friends!
*****
Last night as I was waiting to hear about when we were going to get the keys to the new place so we could start moving in I was listening to some old Randy Travis songs that I listened to as a young girl. We went on a lot of really long road trips when I was growing up and I have really vivid memories of listening to one Randy Travis tape over and over and over again on my headphones. I realized last night that some of the lyrics were a bit mature for a girl my age, but the beautiful LIFE meanings were very real to me. They spoke of what makes a home and what makes a family and TRUE love. Now I know country gets made fun of for being maudlin, but just stop rolling your eyes at me for a second, and pretend to feel some validity to what I am typing.:) (and good grief to the max, emo and rock get just as bad as people believe country can get:)
I grew up wanting to live the way those songs made me dream as a young girl. When I fell in love with BJ it was incredible and life changing. Marrying him began an adventure I had been dreaming about since, I swear, before the pre-mortal experience.;)
I had married my prince and fully expected to live happily there ever after, but I also knew happily ever after came with hard times as well asthe awesome times. I just had no idea HOW hard they were going to be.
Climbing out of the extremely taxing last few years has been a struggle. More than most couples could have born and stayed together.
Moving into this house...something deep inside me is awakening again. Old dreams are surfacing into reality.
Listening to those songs last night reminded me WHY moving into this house is so important.
It is time to build again. It is time to start living again and not just surviving and healing.
We have been working on this "living again" process for the last year or so, and now it is FINALLY the beginning of a new chapter for us.
Hard times will still come. Maybe even SUPER hard times.
But there are strong whisperings in my soul that tell me that we are going to get to live here for a good long while, and get to LIVE. Get to get into a real routine(although, routines with children are CONSTANTLY changing....:), and we will start getting to do normal things.
Ack. It is too difficult to explain what I mean.
Today I get to start living my childhood dreams again. I CAN FEEL IT. And I feel SO blessed. I feel so blessed.:)
TODAY'S CHALLENGE: What childhood dreams are you living? Or are working on or would like to be living?
I'm a stay-at-home mom, married to a really, really handsome and good man. That was the biggest and earliest dream I had. Had no idea what all that entailed . . . financial hardship, difficulty of raising children, etc. But even though there are plenty of times that I wish I could get a break, there are never times that I wish I could quit. I'm not sorry that this particular dream came true. :)
ReplyDeleteI don't remember a lot of childhood dreams. I guess I had more "assumptions" than anything, and almost none of them have happened yet (and none of them in the time table I'd dreamed up for myself). But I guess my dreams have really changed a lot even in my adulthood, so that's okay. Maybe it's even good--not that I'm feeling a little aimless, but that I'm malleable. Does that make sense?
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, I have a husband whose family makes mine look like the Brady Bunch, and we are both so grateful to have come from those experiences with added understanding and resolve about our own marriage. Even when we fail miserably, we fail together and know tomorrow can be better. And I always thought I'd have a dog and be a teacher. Those two things happened, or will soon, even if they weren't on my schedule. So I guess even though my path has been more circuitous and slow than I had planned, I'm getting there on the path the Lord wants for me. Can't complain about that. :)