Perhaps not so well written, but I AM writing again.:)

Things are happening here
change is occurring in real ways
dreams are being realized

CLAIR is waking up
finding herself again

why now?
why here?
what is different?

life is so much more real in this moment
life is how I imagined it to be

so grateful
so happy
so peaceful and content

*****

I have not written a real post in awhile.  So many thoughts and feelings, but most of them are happy! And they are so very personal.  And as much as these precious thoughts matter to me, do they matter to others? And if they are too happy, don't people sometimes pass you off as insincere or gosh, she doesn't get real life? Cause real life can be really hard you know?  I know *I* know.

Right now, in our home, life is very good. Crazy blessings are happening. Change, real progress, dreams becoming our everyday.I have no idea why. Especially why NOW.  I know we have been working so hard for SO LONG. But it also feels like we have so much further to go.  It isn't like a lot of our friends who are done with school, and are buying houses.  We are still right in the middle of all that process.  But things are just really amazing, for no apparent reason.  It is magical!:)

Life is magical right now.:)

SO, I am going to start writing again, and tell you about it. It might be boring. I have to admit I want everyone to love me and love what is inside me that I share.  I won't worry about that so much anymore though.  This blog is mostly for me as a writing practice in learning how to communicate what is inside me. AND if people like to read it, I am just going to be very happy and excited about that to tell you the truth.:)

So here we go.  My first post on this blog was about my finding my voice again.  It is time to use that voice to share the beauty in my life right now. I am so excited. I have always been so inspired by the beautiful lives of others.  I love a hard working life.  I love a life full of magical moments.  I love reading about others experiencing this. And now I feel like *I* get to be one of those people. 

I know SO MANY incredible women. FOR REAL. And it occurred to me the other day: Do people think I am like those women that I think totally rock? Like, could *I* be inspiring? Could *I* be someone to look up to(in a manner of speaking of course, I am only 5 foot tall.:)?  Could people be looking at me and my life and see something they want in theirs?  I want to be that woman.  I have ALWAYS dreamed of being that woman, ever since I was a small girl, and I think I am starting to believe I COULD be that woman, if I wanted to. I don't think the women that inspire others hardly ever realize they are doing it. 

Why can't we believe in our awesomeness as individual women?

I was talking to a friend the other day about how it is so interesting that we can talk about how we are "faithful" or "loyal" or any other good trait, but we can't really talk about how we are "humble." Maybe here is where my answer to the above question is.  Maybe we can't feel that we are inspiring to others and that we are the awesome women that we are because it feels prideful. 

I think we need to realize our awesomeness MORE.  I think we need to recognize the amazingness in ourselves MORE.  It is there FOR REAL. I think Heavenly Father wants us to know it and feel it and live it. I think He wants us to PRAY to know it and feel it and live it.

Even if we just inspire ourselves.:) I think this is a really important thing. And it is A LOT less narcissistic than it sounds.:)

Today's Question: Do you feel that you inspire others? Is there something you would like to inspire in others?  What do you want others to know about life and truth and beauty?  What inspires YOU in others? Who do you want to be? It is totally in your hands you know.:) Maybe write these thoughts down in your journal today, and know yourself better.:)

ON A LIGHTER NOTE:
My handsome and handy husband built me a custom counter/hutch this last holiday weekend and I want to paint some kind of saying on the counter part.  Here are my ideas(feel free to share your thoughts and ideas in the comments:):

-For the love of my life. Bernhard and Clair Forever
-Hamaker Homestead est...
-HamkerLove!(established....?)
-OHMYGATOR FOOD
-I pity the fool who leaves a mess on this counter!
-Eat to live! Don't live to eat!
-YOUR MOM(this is a super inside joke having to do with neither of our moms, it is just something funny between BJ and I:)
-Veggies, Fruits, Whole Grains, Nuts, and Seeds.(that is the Dr.Christopher motto at my school.:)
-NOURISH
-Jane says we should paint a rainbow on it with our family underneath the rainbow.
-We could also just all put our handprints on it, that would be cute.:)