A New Day is Dawning:)

I have been experiencing some serious miracles in my life because of the herbs I am taking lately. 

I am not filled with anxiety anymore all the time.
I am able to actually get things done during the day(not a lot, but WAY more than normal:).
I feel SO MUCH MORE RELAXED all the time.
My energy is going up.

With all those incredible things I still wake up cranky and tired in the morning. And I think there are reasons, unrelated to the herbs I am taking, that is affecting that cause.

I wake up and read facebook instead of my scriptures. I think I look at facebook first thing because I want a quick boost.  I want to read something uplifting and funny.  I want to high five a friend and feel that happy feeling that knowing you have awesome people in your life makes you feel.  Lately, there has been stuff posted that just makes me sad and yucky feeling and negative.  I think if I read something TRULY, for real uplifting first in my day, those other things wouldn't bring me down so much.  I think I am extra vulnerable in the morning.  I KNOW I am extra vulnerable in the morning.

I don't set a time to get up in the morning for myself.  I just am not sure when I should get up right now in my pregnant circumstances, and what exactly I "should" be doing every morning.  Sleeping in as long as possible(usually getting up at 9am, not too late!:) sounds good to me. But on the rare morning I have forced myself(and it really does take FORCING) out of bed earlier I have found that I am a happier person LATER during the day.:)  When I wake up my body hurts all over, the herbs are starting to take that away, but I think there is also a mental remembrance of pain, and I am still half asleep,  SO I wake up, think don't wake up, your body hurts, and don't really wake up enough to really check if that is true.  Most of the time it IS true.  Anyways....

I don't have a plan for the day.  BELIEVE ME I HAVE TRIED SO MANY TIMES TO MAKE A PLAN. I have reems of plans all over, in my journal, on loose sheets of paper, etc.  I haven't found my rhythm yet, but I am starting to feel it out just by living each day and things consistently coming up.  For instance, I am beginning to have a routine where I do the dishes twice a day consistently.  Once after lunch and the other time when BJ puts the kids to bed after dinner. I think sometimes I try to makes these lists and I just don't have enough......data?......details of what my family REALLY needs during the day?  I think my lists are too general maybe. I don't know.  All I know is that after making a million plans for the day in a million different ways, and after having none of them work....I think I have come to the conclusion that for me and my family I just got to live life and see what pattern emerges, and build on that.:) 

With the planning thing, it also probably doesn't help that I am really not in a goal making mood lately. Which I blame on the herbs.:)  IN A GOOD WAY.  I am a very pregnant person.  It feels good to actually take it easy when I am supposed to, instead of "trying to take it easy" which, when I was un-herbed, never really happened.:)

I went to a class taught by the darling Megan Bingham the other weekend and she had a really neat daily plan.  Mostly what I remember is that she gave her self three main things she had to get done everyday to feel like she accomplished what she needed too.  Most of the time she said it was three simple things.  Something like: read my scriptures, say morning prayer, get all the way dressed for the morning. Stuff like that.  Totally doable.  I like!:)

So those are all the reasons why mornings are hard. 

Let me tell you why my mornings have eventually been rocking.

After the initial not feeling good, all my children have been coming into my room and cuddling me.  They are SO CUDDLY, and when they all jump on my bed(and me more often than not), I feel stirrings of happy coming back into me.

I take a shower in my super sunny bathroom.  Sunshine begets sunshine dude.:)

I call up BJ and I somehow make girlfriend time happen everyday, or at least most days.

I clean my kitchen after lunch.  Even sweeping the floor. Even wiping down the table.:)  And I wear my super cute apron whilst doing so.

My kids dress themselves in the morning.  BIG AWESOMENESS HERE. In desperate mornings, Jane can even get them breakfast, though she uses WAY more milk than I do, so I like to pour it when I can.:)

I begin my day with a prayer of gratitude and asking to get through the morning. I pray a lot in the morning.  It used to take about 50, literal number, prayers just to get out of bed.  I would lie there and pray and pray to be able to get up and to not hurt and to be able to be a mum/person/etc.  Then I would go to the bathroom and start getting ready and pray some more. Pray for the safety of my kids while I was getting ready.  Pray that I could get through the day, etc. 

Most days now, it still takes a few prayers to get out of bed, but they mostly consist of gratitude for the facts of my life.  I feel so grateful to be in this house.  To have BJ as my companion for forever.  To have such darling babies.  To have ANOTHER darling one join our family.  To have cute clothes to wear everyday(nothing fancy, just cute, comely, CLEAN, un-holey clothes.:) I wake up and I feel grateful, even when I am still cranky.  Not an ideal attitude perhaps, but definitely going in the right direction, and way less fear-for-the-day based.:)

I am breathing more and it feels good.  I used to ask BJ SO MANY times a day if everything was going to be alright.  I rarely ask him that anymore.  That feels good.:) 

This is not so much a post seeking sympathy.  More like a post for...I don't know.  This is my life right now.  How I feel love and how I share love is by sharing my life.  Today this is what I am thinking about.  My life is changing so much right now for the better WHICH SO ROCKS and dude! IT IS ABOUT TIME!!!:)  I am able to be so much more proactive in my life, and I am able to concentrate on more than just the minimum absolute bare needs of my family. SO AWESOME.  But mornings are still a work in progress.  And today I am thinking about my mornings. And perhaps the best part is....I AM OK WITH MY PROGRESS RIGHT NOW.:)  I am working hard on change, and I am OK when I don't do everything I want to when I want to.  I am living in a way that is striving for more positivity.  I know Heavenly Father and me are a team and are super invested in what is going on right now in my life and are working on it HARD ENOUGH.:)

Today's question: What changes are you working on?  Are you in a peaceful place?  Do you feel like you are worth a peaceful place? You are you know.  God loves you, and is very active in your learning and living processes.  Happy FRIDAY EVE!!!  WOO! This week FLEW BY!!

ps.Just as a last random note.  The way I wake up HAPPIEST is slowly, out in nature.  I almost ALWAYS wake up diliriously happy when I am camping out in the woods by a water source(aka lake, river, ocean, etc.:).  Waking up to clean air, sunshine, cool breezes scented by the yummy pines.  NATURE.  I love it.  Someday I am having a private balcony off my bedroom with an outdoor shower(I won't be exposed to the world in my nakedness, we will figure something out).  It will be above my rose garden and it will be heaven.  Smelling the sunripened roses, breathing in clean air, hearing the sounds of nature, feeling the lovely hot water. YUM.  Is that completely bizarre?  Perhaps.  This is Clair.:)

WAKE UP ALREADY!!!  A GREAT DAY IS WAITING FOR YA!!!!