Sanctuary:)

Where Can I Turn For Peace is a beautiful hymn that is frequently stuck in my head.  Not consciously typically.  It is just a song that inside me needs.:) 

Lately life has been CRAZY! Let's be honest, BJ and I want a quiver full of children.  That means more than a few, you know what I mean?  Being pregnant with little ones running around can be a serious challenge, but I have found that there is a ton of joy in it as well.  But I HAVE to look for it and purposely remind myself that it is there.  Some people might consider this "making up" happy thoughts in a dreary reality.  Totally not so. Perspective and nourishing oneself is the key to TRULY living in REAL reality.

I have been really focusing on taking care of myself lately.  And also trying really hard to listen to the inner needs of my kids.  Wish I had been noticing their allergies getting worse a bit more as now we are in full blown chest coughing and must now go to more herbal extremes(which really just means working harder, not using more powerful herbs). 

I think this last weekend I turned a corner because the baby IS COMING. Not TODAY, but very soon. My last pregnancy and labor were really difficult emotionally, and I think my insides are bracing themselves, not because this time is scary, but because LAST TIME was scary, if that makes any sense.  So I have been babying myself a bit, and just letting myself feel what I need to. This is a big step for me.  During my turbulant growing up I kind of programmed myself to stop feeling horrible and scary feelings.  Just push those babies down into oblivion.  After my Dad died this summer I decided that was really unhealthy for a million reasons, and through 12 weeks of seriously intense therapy I began to stop that horrible habit. 

Through prayer and well...lots of prayer really:), I have found some really useful tools for helping me through these uncomfortable emotional periods. 

There are all the "churchy" things that people sometimes brush off as simplistic and I dunno what else, I think those people are crazy.:)  Prayer, scripture study, going to holy places, being in nature, surrounding oneself with good, positive, true, and beautiful things.  All those things are so soothing and healing and calming and ah! I just love how wonderful and POWERFUL they are! And they don't cost you a penny for the most part! I mean prayer! Hello! Anytime, anyplace. So awesome, and such a blessing to our mortal existence!:)

Books! Man, my whole life really I have escaped to books for solace. When I have have felt the world was so unfair and dark and cold and scary I have turned to Poirot and Miss Marple and Nancy Drew.  Man, they GET right and wrong.  They have the smarts to find the bad guys and protect the innocent. They don't make things all grey where ethics and morals are concerned. Unlike the world we have to live in. Bleck! When I have needed peace I turn to ENCHANTED APRIL and GIFTS FROM THE SEA. So much truth in those books. SO beautiful.

And then there are the DREAMING books and magazines I turn to. Oh magazines.  How I adore you! Your beautiful, colorful pages! Easy reading! Beauty to the max.  Now I am not the PEOPLE type, or the OPRAH type, good gracias for real.  My mags come from MARY JANE'S FARM, and HOBBY FARM, and HOUSE BEAUTIFUL, and MARTHA, oh crazy Martha.  You can read those others if you want, but when I am dreaming, I am just really afraid my dreams always come back to the home, to nature, to gardens and farm animals, to getting back to basics, to family. TO THE GOOD LIFE! Life where you can feel real. Life that is hard but always worth it.  I get tired of life that is hard and not worth it. Sometimes that is how it has to be for a period, but it is not my favorite.

This is going to sound so silly, but one of my favorite tools I picked up along the way in our childbirthing adventures has been imagining my "place of peace", my "imaginary sanctuary".  We have taken a few childbirth hypnosis classes and they talk about imagining this place a lot. And I really like it.:)  If you could imagine the safest most peaceful place what would you imagine?  Where would it be?  What would it look like and smell like? Who would be there with you?  What colors would be there? What is the temperature there?

MY special place is by the sea.  Not ON the sea, but you can see the sea if you want to just over there.  And you can SMELL the sea.  Some people think the sea stinks.  It is salty and seaweedy, but I really like it.  I love the smell of the Pacific Northwest Coast.  Cold and wet and salty.  My secret place has a cove of flowers for me to recluse to.  Roses and daisies and all kinds of flowers make a canopy over a white hammock.  I can go there and it is shady and cool.  I can rest and relax and the hammock is big enough for BJ and all my babies.  It is so quite with nature(which isn't always as quiet as you would think! But everso peacful to me:).  The smells of the flowers are warm and soothing.  No allergies here!:)  I can be safe here because there is a huge white/pink/yellow bubble of light surrounding my sanctuary and no one can get through.  Nothing can get through unless I allow it.  This is all in my head, but when I concentrate on it, and slow my breathing, I can feel myself start to relax again. It is a very useful tool.:)

Yesterday I spent the whole day making DREAM plans. This is another tool I often use.  Present times can be so difficult and LONG, and fruitless feeling.  I want there to be purpose in all that I do, and sometimes it is hard to feel that purpose.  Dream planning helps me focus and bring perspective to the work I am doing.  The plans BJ and I have for the future are so bright and sunny since I did a planning session yesterday.:)  I am still not completely uncrazy.  I am still struggling to find balance and peace in my everyday craziness with being pregnant and taking care of my already earthbound angels, but man, I feel so much more revived!

QUESTION: What is your perfect sanctuary like?  Do you have a perfect place of solace to go to? 
Happy Thursday!