Super quick post so I don't forget what I learned today.

NO time for editing, just wanted to get my thoughts down today.

I worked harder on my French homework this week, then EVER.
I knew this test was coming, and wanted to just kick its trash.
This morning I took a shower and got straight to work.
Studied SO HARD.
SO HARD>SOOOOOO HAARRDDDD.
Got dropped off for my test.
My last test took 50 minutes.
This one took over 2 hours...and I still wasn't really done.
Hadn't checked my answers either.
So much I just didn't remember.:/
Stupid "une commode" especially.
Feeling so depressed.
Forgot my phone so I had to speed walk home to get ready for the next thing on the list.
The 100 year b-day party for the ward that I volunteered to help out with.
NO TIME TO GET READY.
Bj is home with kids.
Let's not think about how he was awesome for taking care of so many things today, because he probably does not have the kids ready for the party.  They probably haven't eaten dinner.  There is PROBABLY utter chaos.  And I have so many things to do to get ready, and no time!
I totally am not wanting to sing at the party. 
I really just want to cry and hide under my covers...for like a week.
SO STRESSED OUT!!!

<LIGHT BULB----->Studying for this test was hard.
Taking the test was hard...especially cause it felt so awful not knowing near as much as my hard work should have shown. Seemingly wasted effort IS SO LAME. 
BUT even harder than all that is me having to have a hard, stressed out moment and coming out of it so the evening can progress and be OK.  <-----I need to learn how to do this MORE THAN I need to learn French.  Usually when I have a hard experience it ruins AT LEAST the rest of the day.  I just can't seem to get over the funk. But today I made it work(with the help of HEAVEN AND BJ:).

So, perhaps poorly explained, today I learned again that failure is VITAL to this earth experience.  It would have been SO AWESOME to ace the test, and to have a smoothly run evening. SO AWESOME. SO.FREAKING.AWESOME. BUT!!!! It was way awesomer to have a super SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER lame horrible HORRIBLE early evening that made me stretch my character and grow.  It made me lean on the spirit and make myself change and hope and know that the effort I put forth DOES make a difference. I can make change in me happen. And it is the hard times where I can do that.

There was a bit of a tantrum, and definitely some tears, and then there was a blessing, and tentative progress.  I went to the party.  I had immediate follow through with specific things from the blessing BJ gave me.  It was AWESOME. And I sang(after breaking down in the practice, which was OK.:), and it wasn't a horrible, insincere thing.  I think the frog in my throat actually left a bit even somewhere in the middle of it.

I had friend chats and "I love BJ" moments. (And "he loves me back" moments too.:)

Heavenly Father is the kindest and most knowledgeable father.  I am so grateful for the heartache and healing of today.