CLAIR!!!!

Today I turn 30! WOOT!  I am SOOOOO excited! And SUPER not in a facecious way.  I really am excited.  My 20's had some stinking hard years in them, and I am ready to celebrate and grow and just have a super awesome new decade begin in my life. Because I have a super Miss Piggy complex I am going to do my favorite thing.-----> Give you a list, based on my age, of things you may or may not know about ME. Starting school this week has completely fried my brains so forgive any weird ramblings or whatever....:)

THIRTY!!!! Things to know about MOI.


1.I want ten kids. Probably more.  I am not a masochist or a martyr.  I just love kids.  I love family.  I think too there is a deeper root there.  A need to make a better, more beautiful childhood for my children than I had.  I had a wonderful family growing up, but there were some serious tradgedies that I hope to "re-do" with my own children.  Plus, BJ and I make the cutest kids ever.  I want to collect them all.;)

2.I have yet to feel like a real adult. I should post about this some other time. Explanation TOO LONG. I think the gist is I see too much what I believe the world considers "adultlike" behavior and likes, and I just do not want to fit THAT category.  I am still too "young" for too many things.:)

3.I feel like crap when people are vulgur or crass around me. For like days sometimes.  I have such an ache for beauty and goodness and light and truth.  I feel SO GOOD and peaceful inside when I am around those things.

4.I want to read Verne in the original French.

5.I AM OBSESSED WITH THE NUMBER FIVE. We have been learning about the golden rectangle in my art class, and I think the number five is the numerical equivelant.  It is so beautiful.  Both round and corner-y.  My balance comes with the number 5.:) (Hence where ten kids came from fyi.  Five for me, five for BJ.  That sounds about right.;)

6. I believe there is good in about 99.99999999... percent of the people on this earth.  More importantly, whatever choices they have made here, they came from heaven originally and that should make a difference in how I treat them.

7.One of my favorite quotes is: Two men walked in the rain. One hated it. One loved it. They both got wet. I think I wrote that quote in every year book I ever signed. Also, I really do ADORE the rain.:)

8.I love talking about the gospel with people. I have a great love for my Savior and for my Heavenly Father. I love the Plan of Salvation, even though it is a tough plan to carry through sometimes.:)

9.I want Babydoll Southdown Sheep someday.

10. You know I consider you my close friend if I have shared BearHaven with you.

11.I have never finished writing down any of the fairytales I have written because I always get distracted by wanting to illustrate all the characters.:)

12.Most of the time I am typing on the computer I have a baby in my arms.

13.I am terrified of my dreams, and the power I sometimes see in myself.

14.I believe that, "we love eachother" is not a good enough reason to get married.

15.I sometimes use my womanly wiles on BJ for my own selfish purposes. <Stretch!>  Oh, I just am so tired.  And hungry....<stretch!> I could really use a sandwhich. <BJ with appreciative eyes>, I would love to go to the four corners of the earth for any sandwhich you desire at this very moment.  I think I will take out the garbage as well. And hold that baby so you can do whatever you want to do.(mission accomplished).

16.I love to create. ANYTHING. Creation is one of the most beautiful virtues we get to experience in this life. And when YOU put light and beauty together. Man, that is divine.

17.I am not always sure if I will like heaven.  I am not so crazy as a masochist, but there is SOMETHING to the struggle that feels so good when it is over.  Heaven doesn't sound like much of a struggle.  It sounds full of learning and work(which I also love), but not so much gardening in a struggly way. ;)

18.I think that when people are starving maybe spending billions of dollars on getting to a super far away planet is totally, completely innapropriete. Hello!

19. I can NOT seem to figure out how to spell "appropriate" or innapropriate". Ohbrother.

20.The first time Jane colored on the wall I thought it was adorable.  I was like, "yeah!  You are a kid!  You color on the wall!  That is what kids do!" After that it was WAY less cute, and then atrocious, as we did not own our home anymore....

21. After I met BJ, when we were 16, he became the measure of "cool" for every boy I met after that.  Can Charles swing dance like Groucho and sing opera?  Does Danny wear awesome wool pants?  Did Mikey gradauate high school at 12?  I didn't think so.  :) I still had crushes on other guys, but BJ was the standard of awesome.  AND I GOT TO MARRY HIM!!!!!:)<--- I think probably every woman should feel this way about her husband.:)

22.I am afraid to go to so many places in the world, but I think if I saw them from the deck of a very large cruise ship I would be less afraid. Especially if I was on a large cruise ship.<---purposeful redundancy.  I love to be on a large cruise ship.:)

23.I want everyone to like me. I make a lot of different choices than other people, and it makes it hard sometimes to feel accepted.  I have a strong belief in stewardship, and in the very realness of answered prayers for your specific mission in life.  Making different choices shouldn't mean not being friends, but in this world it really feels like it is sometimes and it makes me sad.  Can't we disagree and not resort to abuse for those who are not the same as us? Popular opinion is everything nowadays, and I really disagree with A LOT of popular opinion.

24.Gardening makes me SO HAPPY. <---that lovely creating vibe again.:) I want to live in a huge forresty garden that is acres and acres of gorgeousness....minus big, scary, sharp-toothed animals that could eat me.

25.HERBS SAVED MY LIFE. Literally.  I believe in the power of garlic and food and lifestyle choices. It doesn't mean my family is never sick, or only eats sprouts.  It does mean, we try very hard to be better everyday and lots of times we fail and lots of times we succeed.

26.It is on my bucket list to bump into Brad Wilcox somewhere, whilst I live in Provo.  When I hear the song, "Jesus Wants ME For a Sunbeam." I think of Brad Wilcox.:)

27.I have a strong belief in the sacredness of our bodies.  I have had several experiences that have made me come to that feeling.  One was when I had my last daughter.  I was given a blessing, and told that birth is very like unto an ordinance. Our bodies growing from almost nothing, we are so small at first, into a whole baby is a miracle.  And that coming out of our mothers' into this world is just something so sacred and intense and such a vital part of our eternal growth. Being in this world is a sacred, literally once in a lifetime experience.  The second experience I had was after my birth father passed away two summers ago.  I had always thought that once you were dead, you were dead.  Please don't spend a ton of money burying me, I just don't see the point.  My father was creamated.  We had to pick a box to put his body in, to be burned with him.  It was essentially something very disposable(the box). There were many options.  Everything from literally a cardboard box to boxes VERY fancy(basically burnable super fancy coffins).  His body was dead, his spirit was gone, and yet I could not put that body in a cardboard box.  I felt such an overwhelming sacredness for the body that housed my father's spirit on this earth.  It was a feeling I will never forget and something that definitely changed my views on what our bodies really are.  They are sacred vessels of our spirits.  And sometimes they are lame with illness, or lame with fatness, or whatever, but they are still sacred.  And it is part of the reason I can not give into the worldly way of looking at each other.  When I see a baby, I see truth and beauty and sacredness.  A spirit has come into a body and has a whole mission to perform in this life.  It has a million things to learn and discover.  I don't see ugliness. And I have kind of come to a conclusion for myself that it is only worldly thinking that leads to thinking people are ugly, or actual wickedness in the person.  The picture of Dorian Grey is more truthful than the world wants us to believe I suspect.

28.I am absolutely as insecure as I can be about speaking and writing, but I have huge overwhelming waves inside me that burst forth with incredible NEED to express myself and what I am and what I am feeling inside me.  BUT I also feel that with free speech comes a HUGE responsibility to express yourself appropriately, and hopefully I can learn to do that better and better everyday. When we speak in groups and on facebook, we speak to real people, with real feelings, and I think too often we forget in our need to express. Especially when we are in groups of people where many of us feel the same way about people.  Too much inappropriate abuse of the opposite party is happening. Too much, "This is what I feel, I don't care if it hurts anybody."  It does hurt people.  I need to work on it too.

29.I plan on enjoying the rest of my life to the fullest. I LOVE LIFE!!! I plan on enjoying every birthday I have! And I hope when I die, BJ and I just die in each other's arms peacefully. Cause seriously, either of us leaving before the other would be unacceptable!!!(P.S. I heard of a couple who prayed to die in eachothers' arms when they were old, and it happened. I think this is hopeful.:)

30.This year I have many goals.  But my main goal is to kick fear in the face for good*. I am so afraid of so many things and it is just too wearing! Faith not fear.:) Every one of my classes has been helping this goal.  Ballet especially. There are THREE boys in my class(emphasis on BOYS-I am so old;).  NO leg warmers, no hip warmers or skirts.  Just the body in tights basically. OHMYGATOR. Carrots and celery anyone?!
* I do not include my fear of sharks in this goal of no more fear.  Sharks are scary and SHOULD be feared.:)

The end!  If you know me, you know I am windy!  Hopefully that was interesting and not a complete waste of your day!  Love you the most. Thank you for loving me.:)  And enjoy my birthday!!! PLEASE!:)

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