The Cautionary Tale of Heidi Rosalind

This is Heidi Rose wondering if you are ready for THE CAUTIONARY TALE OF HEIDI ROSALIND!!


SO it has taken me FOREVER to get this birth story written down, and even at this moment I really just don't feel like writing it.:)  Not because her birth was horrible or anything, I just have not felt like writing lately.  I feel like TALKING.  Talking is so much easier than writing! At least it is for ME.

But I digress...

So this labor story really starts an entire week before she was actually born.  I went to my midwife appointment on August 6th and was told by my midwife that she really wanted me to have this baby by Friday so she could go to her high school 50th reunion in Idaho...and I was like...say wha?!?  But also very ready to have the baby if the baby was ready.  Also, important to mention, my parents were in town and leaving on the 13th, and my Sister Heidi(who MY Heidi Rose is named after) was coming on the 12th as well to see the hopefully born by then baby...

Anyways, so my midwife and I decided that maybe doing some cervical massage would be a great idea to try and get things going.  ALL of my previous labors had started with cervical massage, like within the following 24 hours. So I figured we were having a baby that evening or the next morning.  That was NOT what happened.

Finally on WEDNESDAY morning, very early (I believe it was about 5:30ish) labor began.  Contractions built, and continued until about 9:30, and then stopped COMPLETELY.  As soon as the contractions began I put on my Hypnobabies track(probably the deepening one, I can't remember), and then managed to get back to sleep.  The contractions were intense and building, but really manageable. (HYPNOBABIES FOR THE WIN. FOR REAL.)

So, after they stopped I was a bit frustrated, but after talking to my midwife, we figured that labor would probably start back up again that night, and we would pop that baby out pretty dang fast!

Well that didn't happen.  Labor DID start up again Thursday morning around 9am, and my midwife and her two assistants hurried on over.  Labor kept progressing until about noon...and then again stopped completely.  We all decided to let the midwives go home and keep in touch, labor would probably not begin again until the afternoon or evening.....which did not happen....AGAIN.

It also did not start up Friday....or Saturday. Friday morning my midwife calls and says that since labor hasn't started up again she is going to head on up to her reunion.  She gave me her back-up's number and left on her merry way.  I WAS NOT PLEASED.  I had been walking, and taking cohosh, and doing everything to get this labor going for her and my folks and everyone and I just felt abandoned. I need to add here that my midwife and I are both extremely prayerful people, and she had prayed very hard to know if she should attend this reunion and had a really strong impression that it was important for her to go, and I felt a confirmation of that when she told me.  I still felt abandoned though a bit. Mostly just super frustrated that all these people needed to see this baby before leaving to various places and I just felt helpless!

Sunday Sister Heidi came and went to SERIOUS work on some reflex-get-into-labor-points on my body.  Baby did not appear while she was there, but a few hours later my little family and folks went up to the BYU duck pond and hung out for about an hour I think.  Around 5:30pm I all asudden had a huge contraction....and then a minute later another one...and they kept on coming about every one or two minutes.  Really strong, really close together contractions are really normal for me in early labor, and labor had already started and stopped twice so I was a bit dubious that this was the real thing, but my parents were also planning on leaving back to WA in the next day or two and I really wanted this to be the real thing so I started concentrating REALLY hard on hoping this was for real!:)  We got home, my parents went to their hotel, my kids went to a friend's home for the night, and the midwives came on over.  My midwife had just got back into town and got to my home asap.

OK, I have to interject here again.  I have a REALLY hard time with feeling abandoned, and feeling let down by people I depend on.  Stupid leftover emotional scars from being from a divorced family.  Also, my labors super stall when I am upset and not relaxed.  I had to figure out super quick how to communicate my frustration to my midwife in a way that could be resolved happily and quickly so labor would not stop.  I really suck at that kind of thing so I was a bit freaking out.  Fortunately I had prayer on my side and basically an angel of a midwife who is SO receptive of the spirit.  So she got to my house and I basically told her that I was really upset that she had left, and she said she knew.  And then I said a few other things and she responded and it was totally AWESOME.  I wish communicating with my family was that easy! And then we moved on!:)

So since I had been seemingly laboring for a few days off and on the midwives all thought I was going to have this baby SOOOO FAST!  Well let me just spoil the surprise, Heidi Rose's last full stint of labor lasted for TEN HOURS.  From 5:30ish pm Sunday evening until 3:48am Monday morning.  Labor was EASY, ohmygator it was so easy.  We have pictures of my laboring and smiling, and that was seriously how it was. Hypnobabies people!  It is AWESOME.  I am sorry Meridy if you read this, hypnosis really does work in labor, and you really don't feel pain during contractions if everything is progressing normal. Which mine did for the first 8ish, 9ish hours.  You could barely tell I was in labor, and really you could only tell I was if you had been at lots of births before.  Everything was so peaceful, and quiet.  My favorite part was for a while when I was on the birth ball and BJ was in a chair in front of me with a couple of huge pillows on his lap.  I rested my head and front of my body on the pillows with my tummy hanging down and BJ did some light touch massage on my back.  IT WAS HEAVEN.  My midwife rested on my couch, and her two assistants were doing midwife homework in my kitchen.  The lights were dim.  It was just heaven.  I thought my baby down, and just was in deep concentration.


(This is me not being in pain during a contraction and feeling very happy about it:)

I think the reason why hypnobabies worked so well for me with this labor was because I had been listening to tracks almost non-stop many of the days leading up to her actual birth(I really was trying everything natural to get that baby out so my parents could see their newest love!:).  I had been not very consistent with practicing relaxing and hypnosis really until that last week.  By the time labor started I felt VERY in the zone and was able to relax super deeply.  The contractions really did feel just like a bit of pressure which required just a little bit of extra concentration.  Where I could really tell the difference in pain was when I got into the birth tub.  I LOVE laboring in the birth tub normally because it takes away like 80% of the pain.  The water super buoys your belly and all those hard working contractions and it is just glorious.  THIS TIME the contraction pain was already minimal so that when I was in the water I actually couldn't feel ANYTHING, which was really frustrating because I needed to know my labor wasn't stalling again!  So the birth tub for labor was not really what I enjoyed this time.  The birth ball ended up being what my body wanted most, which was interesting because I don't think I used my birth ball at all for any of my other births.

Anyways, around midnight we decided to go ahead and check me(I had been at about a 6 or 7 by the end of Thursday morning-hence everyone believing that my labor was going to go lightning speed....), well, turns out that my cervix was not aligned and that the baby's head was pulling my cervix down with it so I was back down to a 4. A FOUR?!?!?!?  I was so discouraged, even though I knew that the fact she was much lower was more important than dilation, and Denny had gone from a 5 to a 10 in 45 minutes, so dilation really is not a good indicator of progression.  ANYWAYS, another part of the problem was that since I am so short the pathway out was not aligning properly(chiropractor would have solved this problem as it had with another labor) and the baby was having a hard time moving down.  So every time from then that I had a contraction she wanted me to pull my tummy in with my hands in a certain way which increased the pressure, and helped align everything.  And BJ and I decided that it was time for a walk around the block to help gravity out.  Right before we left I asked BJ for a blessing(because I was so dang discouraged). During the blessing I felt a contraction,  and even though BJ was in the middle of the blessing I decided to pull in my tummy like my midwife had suggested.  Well immediately my water broke ALL OVER EVERYWHERE. Which was awesome, and nervous for me at the same time.  I knew the baby had time to come, but I was afraid of stalling, I was afraid of labor completely stopping!  Anyways, we took the walk and then things really started going. 

Labor was still very manageable UP TO THAT POINT, and things got crazy.  When things are lined up and normal the pushing stage feels SO GOOD.  With Denny it felt so good that it made me SO EXCITED for Alice's birth, just for that part!:) (Alas, if you know her story you know that that was not the wonderfulness that happened...) Anyways, I started to feel the urge to push and I could tell that this was not going to be fun pushing like with Denny.  This was feeling just like when Alice was born, and something did not feel right.  The pressure felt all in the wrong place and I could tell things were not opening.  I knew I was going to have to get out of the tub.  I knew my midwife was going to have to help my cervix open(which is basically a form of torture if anyone was trying to imagine how that feels!:) while I was pushing, and that it was going to hurt A WHOLE MILLION before that baby came out. 

The best part of this last hourish was that everyone was so perfect in how they supported me.  I was allowed to emote in every way I needed to, however I needed to without any explanation or apology.  They just did everything I needed to help get my baby into the world. And it was beautiful. 

So I began the arduous part of this labor and started pushing with the help of basically everyone.  I ended up pushing on my midwife's incredibly cushiony birth stool.  BJ was on my right hand, another assistant was on my left, and the other assistant was behind me supporting me.  I pushed for I have no idea.  I had pushed for awhile in the tub too.  I went into shock a bit, but they had the oxygen right there, and some shock tincture(with a WHOLE lotta cayenne let me tell you!:), so everything was very safe and OK.  Finally I could feel the crowning, and I was like, why the heck was I not feeling relief yet?!  And then I had to keep pushing and pushing that baby out! And then my midwife exclaimed, "holy cow that is a big baby!"(well, something like that:).  BJ caught her, and then handed her right to me(can I add really quickly what a super trooper this man is?!  It was such a long labor! And right before the end we were both in the tub.  I got to be dried off and changed right when I got out-cause we were all women but BJ-but HE had to stay in wet clothes for that last at least 45 minutes, and he was probably freezing!  We went right to the birth stool and into serious pushing mode, so he didn't have a chance to change.).  As soon as I had her I said, "hello baby!" and her head turned super fast toward me and her eyes popped super wide open, and she looked at me, and I melted.:) 

Usually when I hold my baby I feel a rush of emotion, and feelings of that baby's unique spirit.  With this darling baby I felt not a whole lot.  I felt patience.  I felt cautious emotions coming from this baby.  She just looked at me, and you could see her thinking and deciding about what she was thinking about.  It was a very curious experience which has continued right up to the present.  This is a cautionary baby.  She takes her time to figure things out.  She is teaching me how to be more calm and more patient everyday!:)

After she came out the placenta had to be delivered.  Usually not a big deal, but pushing out that lovely sized baby had taken a lot out of me and was way more painful than a water delivery where everything is supported.  Pushing was not feeling happy.  With Alice, the placenta wasn't coming out in the tub so my midwife let me get in the shower, and it immediately slipped out as soon as I did.  I was hoping for that experience again, but this midwife wanted it out before I got cleaned up.  It took several pushes, and no wonder!  It was AT LEAST 3-5 pounds!  It was HUGE!  Basically the size of another child!:)

THEN I TOOK MY SHOWER.  OK, seriously one of my most favorite parts of labor.:)  My midwives were so funny.  They could not believe how much energy I had, and how much I wanted that shower.:)  They were all thinking that if it was them they would just want to fall into bed and go to sleep, but I LOVE BEING CLEAN!:)

It was a long, beautiful labor.  The end was really hard, but I did it.  This five foot woman pushed out a 9 lb 5 oz baby, through her own pelvis, with NO TEARING AT ALL.  I had one skid mark that healed in half a day. 

One thing that surprised me about the recovery was how long it took this time.  I was really diligent about drinking my red raspberry leaf tea which helps heal things SO FAST(really, it is crazy), but things got SO STRETCHED OUT with this lovely sized baby that it just took WAY longer than I thought it would to start to get things back to even close to normal(yeah, we are still working on it four weeks later<---which testifies how fast of a recovery I have experienced with red rasp. tea before!:).

Pushing was super intense I am not going to lie.  There were definite thoughts about not having anymore children EVER again, and other such thoughts.  But honestly, truly, I could not remember the pain EVEN THE NEXT DAY.  And yes, I probably will have SEVERAL more children.:) 

I mentioned the chiropractor up there somewhere.  I went to the chiro. with Denny's pregnancy, and labor went WAY differently than my other labors.  And pushing was a miraculous thing.  I really am not joking. We took a BIRTHING FROM WITHIN class with the following pregnancy and they do "birth art" type things, and one of the art prompts was to draw a picture of the pushing stage, and my picture was of a party LITERALLY.(OK, that class probably sounds totally crazy, but it was REALLY AWESOME and fun.:)
My Sister Heidi has also experienced the difference that going to the chiropractor makes for the last 6ish weeks of pregnancy in labor.  It is a revelation friends!:)  I really think if I had been going to the chiro those last few weeks that this baby would not have kept getting stuck and that she would have come WAY earlier, and fast, and WAY LESS PAINFULLY AT THE PUSHING PART!!!<---FOR REAL.

Anyways, that is the basic story of the Cautionary Tale of Heidi Rosalind.  You can decide for yourself why it was cautionary.  Because of her personality, her weird labor journey, not having gone to a chiro...etc.;)

Yay babies!!! Also, you probably guessed, but I birthed at home under the care of an AMAZING midwife, Dianne.  She has been a midwife for 30 years, has hardly ever had a patient who tore during labor, and just brings the most peaceful and loving spirit to the births she attends.  I love her millions.  Her two assistants were also darling.  We had several really neat discussions about life, religion, movies, etc.:)  Hypnobabies totally rocked this labor. OHMYGATOR.  One of my bestest friends, JAMIE, was our teacher, and it was such a neat experience, and totally made a huge difference in the manageability of this labor.  TEN HOURS is a long labor(especially for a fourth child!), and it was not painful at all until the end when things were not lined up. The hardest part of this labor(ok, besides the pushing) was the emotional and mental endurance it took.  Starting and stopping, and then concentrating for ten hours is intense!  BUT it was TOTALLY DOABLE.  Yes, you could do it too.:)

I am so grateful to be a woman, and to have had four beautiful(if not sometimes super intense!) births.  AND four beautiful darling babies.  I am SO GRATEFUL for my little clan.  Being able to have a family is something not everyone gets to have in this life, and I feel so blessed that I get to be one of the few.  Birth is such a powerful and life changing experience.  I had a blessing where it said that it is basically a sacred ordinance being born.  That is definitely how I feel about it.  It is something sacred and precious and beautiful.  AND POWERFUL.  It has the ability to change you in ways you can't even imagine.  I am a totally different person because of each of my births.  I have learned something very specific from each of my children and their birth experiences.  I feel so grateful.  SO BLESSED.

Well, I should probably end this here.  GOOD GRIEF I AM LONG WINDED!:)
Happy Monday!!!

OK. PS.  One of my other favorite parts about home birth is that once you have had that beautiful baby the midwives tuck you and your handsome hubby into bed(together! Not on separate uncomfortable hospital beds!), they clean everything up, and then leave.  You are free to sleep and cuddle that baby and your wonderful helpmate, and it is PURE HEAVEN.  No getting woken up by crazy nurses every 20 minutes, and poked and prodded. Just PEACE. How awesome is that?!?! Pretty dang in my opinion.;)