This has been THE CRAZIEST WEEK!
Monday-I really can't remember much about this day except that the stress I have been accumulating over the last forever came to a breaking point and I COULD NOT get to sleep until 6:30 the next morning. OI.
Tuesday-BJ stayed home from work so I could recover.Lame.
My best friend Jamie came over and helped me get ready for Alice's birthday.:) Lovely and needed.
Wednesday-Have no recolection of this day either, I am pretty sure my sleep cycle being completely off, and my still not sleeping very well is a part of the memory loss.
Thursday- MY ALICE'S BIRTHDAY! Still didn't sleep well, and sress mounted once again, so BJ came home(super lame) AGAIN from work, and we finally got to some of the root of my stress which helped my body finally start to relax again and recover. AND we celebrated Alice's birthday with a super simple, and fun family tea party. We had crazy hats and fun masks and color changing "tea" and cake and decorations and presents and good times.:)
Friday-OH FRIDAY. It was supposed to be the beginning of a mini vacation weekend for our family, but we COMPLETELY forgot about a super awesome and important meeting BJ has Saturday morning.....sooooo weekend plans half canceled, half modified. It will still be fun, but man, days are getting so full and we really need a vacation! Hopefully we can work something else out soon.
STRESS. Dude. Do you know about your adrenals? Your adrenals are what helps you deal with stress, anxiety, etc. Mine have been super overtaxed my whole life, and this last year I have been finally seeing some serious progress in their healing. In the super recentness though....
A lot of emotional junk has been surfacing in the last few weeks. Gosh, my Dad has been on my mind A LOT lately. Stuff I thought I had taken care of from Alice's birth and pregnancy has also been resurfacing. Dude, I need like a shrink on retainer for real.:) Anyways, sleep this week has been lousy. The power of my MIND! Over rides every possible sleep aid (herbal or drug) when it gets to the point it got this week. Which is saying A LOT. I mean, Peace and Calming....coma to the max usually.
I could go into everything that is stressing me out. Part of me really wants to. But mostly, I just want to say that:
THIS IS HARD
BUT I CAN DO IT
I CAN DO HARD THINGS....and still be happy too!!!:)
This was my mantra last Autumn. I was right in the middle of grieving over my Dad's passing, going through 12 crazy intense weeks of counseling, and working out with two personal trainers to deal with my emotions physically. Training with Melissa and Dave was one of the best things I have EVER done for myself. I learned SO MUCH about what I can do that I didn't think I could. We are STRONG! I am strong and YOU are strong! So much stronger than we think. We are powerful! We have the ability to do hard and amazing things. AND BE HAPPY.:)
I have done some things that I have heard other moms think are the HARDEST THINGS EVER, only to find out, dude, it is not as hard or horrible as you think. I had three babies in diapers at one time. Really not the end of the world!:) I have had two wonderful homebirths. AMAZING experiences! And not the horrible nightmare so many women paint. I had three children under three. Truly the hardest part about that experience was listening to all the negative people, and believing what they said. I LOVE it now. And I think it would have been much less end-of-the-world feeling in the beginning with the right perspective.
We are amazing, powerful, people who can do amazing, incredible things! And something being HARD doesn't mean it has to be HORRIBLE and life demeaning or draining. Obviously bad things happen. Dad's die, people get sick, etc. I do not take those things lightly at all. But I think there are lots of things that make us feel as doomed as doomed can be that really aren't that bad. Like having to wash my own dishes instead of having a dishwasher to do it. No big deal dude. TRULY.:)
One of my trainers, CRAZY DAVE, had a saying he had pinned up that said, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." I like that, and I think it is true in almost every circumstance, but we have to make the choice and act upon it. It won't just happen.:) Sometimes there is suffering that you CAN NOT AVOID. The night my Dad died, I felt suffering in my heart that I could not stop from happening or feeling. And even if I could have stopped it(I really desperately wanted to. I felt like my heart was being literally ripped apart.), I needed to feel that so I could grieve. But there are SO MANY OTHER TIMES, when we go through hard times, where we suffer NEEDLESSLY.
Everyone has a different pain thresh hold, and I wouldn't want you to feel like just because you aren't going through a life or death situation doesn't mean that life is not hard for you. I have felt that before. Comparing our trials is not good or healthy or helpful. Our trials are hard enough for ourselves and we don't need to really worry about measuring their hardness. I think we do need to remember our strength. And the strength that is infinite that we can draw upon that comes from heaven. There is NOTHING we can not get through and be better and happier for. I have met too many people who have gone through incredibly nightmarish things, and come out the other end more amazing and beautiful and happy. I think when we realize our strength to get through hard times powerfully, that we have the ability to just beam with inner light and awesomeness. And be HAPPY. Even more peaceful than before.
There is HOPE in hard times, and not just for the next life. I really believe that. It doesn't always feel like it. Especially in the thick of hard times, but it is there. Even if you have to fake it until you can make it. Keep striving and growing closer to heaven. It is the road to happiness. I promise. And remember you are stronger than you think. And when you feel no strength at all there is Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ who are the strongest EVER.
Life is SO CRAZY and hectic feeling at the moment. And uncomfortable to the max(being pregnant is serious business!:), but it has had some really beautiful moments, and I am learning SO MUCH about myself and about BJ and I as an eternal companionship BECAUSE of the things we are going through right now. What we are doing right now is SO MUCH a part of what this life is about! And it is hard sometimes and stressful sometimes, but COMPLETELY DOABLE, and most WORTH it.:) I wouldn't miss it for the world.:) I feel very grateful.:)
And here is one last silly, completely RANDOM thought to make you giggle:
I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THIS MAKES BJ AND I CRACK UP TO CRAZY EVERYTIME WE WATCH IT!!! Madeleine Khan, you are hilarious.:)
