4 to 9

4 to 9. That is about how many weeks I have left with another person inside me.  I WISH IT WAS 20...AT LEAST.  I have never felt this way at the end of a pregnancy before, but I think I have an inkling why I feel this way THIS TIME.....


I know I should just not care that we are STILL not moved in all the way, and that we are still struggling with finding things, and that the biggest reason behind that is that not everything has a place yet.  Sometimes I am VERY good at not caring about the mess.  After Heidi Rose is born will probably be one of those times.  NOW IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES THOUGH. Now I NEED things to be in order.  And they ARE slowly getting done.  I have SO MUCH MORE energy than I usually do, and I am a lot more sane at this point of pregnancy than I usually am. That is great! BUT! 

Still, the mess drives me crazy and I feel helpless about changing the situation(at least as quickly as I would like:).

Logically I get what everyone is saying.  I mean I AM PREGNANT. DUDE. It is alright to have a messy home right now. It is alright to have not everything in its place.

Heavenly Father is telling me that everything will work out.  He has impressed this upon me TONS AND TONS. And I DO believe Him.  But His counsel also leaves me a bit frustrated sometimes.  This morning I REALLY wanted to get up earlier than I did(basically 10).  Part of me COULD NOT get up because of the crazy essential oils I have been using at night to help me get to sleep...but the other part was an impression from my Heavenly Father to sleep in while I can. I get it.  Logically I super get it. My kids totally rock about letting me sleep in.  I should take advantage. 

BUT DUDE!!!  There is so much to do.  Morning is the best time to get stuff done, and I mean especially for a personality type like me.  If I can take care of what needs to get done right away in the morning, I am so much happier, and less stressed than trying to get it done throughout the whole day.  I am not really an endurance type person.....eeek.

The world says who cares if your house is a mess.  Making your bed is a waste of time.  I am not even going to go there, for all the unpopularness I will accrue.:) 

I love order.  I THRIVE with order around me.  Order is beautiful, truly and literally beautiful to me.  It uplifts me and makes life so much easier!  This is not an orderly time of my life.  It is making me a bit crazy.  And most of the time I am healthy enough to be ok with that.:) But not always!!!:)

Out of all he voices that come at me with advice, I hold onto Heavenly Father's.  And I will tell you why.  He sees the biggest picture.  THE WHOLE PICTURE.  He knows when this baby is coming.  He knows me and my limits and the limits of my family(AND THE LIMITS OF MY HUSBAND...poor man...:).  I know that even if Heavenly Father's advice doesn't make the clearest sense to me, that in the end I will see how His words of knowledge for my life circumstances were THE MOST LOGICAL. He knows so well how to make this the BEST life experience, I just gotta listen and trust and DO.

QUESTION: Whose voices pull you the most?  Your Mom, the world, Heavenly Father, YOU....etc?

SO MANY DADS!!!

Ohmygator, I am so relieved to report that I am back to ME again today.  I know bad days are OK to have, but I used to have bad MONTHS AND YEARS. So when I start to have more than one bad day in a row I start to freak out a little.  I am so grateful for all the support I received yesterday, it was so needed.:)  Today I woke up, super uncomfortable(dude I am SO PREGNANT), but very happy again. YAY!!!  I tell you, being happy and content inside you is addicting, and a feeling I just can't get enough of! 

This weekend is Fathers Day. So, really quickly I just wanted to share a few things about the fathers in my life.:) (I just realized that I didn't do this for Mothers Day.....sorry!  I have AWESOME moms. Another post perhaps?....:)

I had a Dad AND a Pop growing up.
I didn't call my step day "Pop" until I was about 19 years old.  I called him "Mike".  There came a point though in our relationship where I felt like his role in my life deserved a bit more recognition.
Dad was taken.  Father didn't seem right. POP, now that was endearing, but not too emotional.

And then I married my true love and got ANOTHER Dad who I call The Poppa.:) 
I also have one other Father, my Father in Heaven.:)

All these men are very different, and play different roles in my life.  I am thankful for them all.

(this is such a silly picture, I need to scan some better pictures....:)

Dad helped start me off in this world.  He gave me a stinker sense of humor. He really inspired imagination in me. Sometimes this was good and funny, like his story of Goldilocks and the four bears.  You know, the poppa bear, the momma bear, the baby bear, and the teddy bear....BUT other times it was just NOT COOL, like the time we were camping and we FINALLY got to the campsite and I had to pee SO BADLY!!! And it was dark, and I had to use a honeybucket, and he said, right before I went in, "don't let the rats bite your bum!" SO RUDE, and that image still haunts me every time I have to use the privvy!!!

 He passed away this last summer, and I miss him everyday.  We didn't have the best relationship at times, and I know he told other people he was super proud of me, but I was never sure of it myself.  We disagreed on a lot of really important things it felt like. I do know he loved me, and tried SO HARD all the time to be the best Dad he could be. I miss him, and am glad I know heaven is real.:) I feel very much in my heart that he is my little family's(and all his kids') guardian angel now.  I have felt his presence watching over us and I am grateful.:)

My Pop gave me support and stability. He also loved my Mum the way she needed to be loved.  He made it so our family could be whole.  He is a very hard worker and helped teach me the value of hard work and perseverance. Pop and I are very different people and really struggle to communicate sometimes. BUT we love each other and I know he would do anything for me that he could.  I have been very thankful for him taking care of all of us growing up.  Out of the seven children he raised, only three of them were his by blood relationship. Yet he took care of us all as if we were all his natural born children.  He has been a great example to me.:)

(hee hee, I stole this off facebook. I love this picture, he is SUCH a happy family man!!!  We need to get more pictures of this awesome man in our life!!)

The poppa mostly has influenced my life by raising my husband into the best man I know(his mom helped A TON too:).  He also has been  great support to me personally, and I have had some really great talks with him. He is very funny and loving.:)




Heavenly Father gives me everything I need.  He is ALWAYS there for me.  He knows me the best and knows exactly how I need to be loved.  At times in my life where I was frustrated with the "dad situations" I was struggling with, Heavenly Father took care of me. I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR MY HEAVENLY FATHER.  He could have just put us all on this earth and left us here without any heavenly support, but He didn't. He gave us scripture and prayer and EVERYTHING we need to be happy here. I love Him so much!!!

Looking at my SON Denny, I see in him the next generation of fatherhood.  Already he plays "Daddy" with his sisters and takes care of his "babies".  He is so kind and gentle and HILARIOUS. He is already working on his protector skills.:) 

In this world where family is falling apart, and the role of parents is changing as different kinds of families are getting more and more of the spotlight.  I am grateful I had a dad, several dads in my life to help me become who I am.  I am also thankful that I have had the opportunity to heal some of my personal family related wounds through having my own son who I can help raise into a wonderful father someday.  No family is perfect, I know, but there can be a ton of healing through having your own kids.  I know not everyone has that chance, and I am grateful I have been blessed somehow to be one of the lucky few who do.

Life is crazy people, but we are SO BLESSED!!!

Hope your Fathers Day is lovely.:) The gifts are nice, but mostly I think these Dads just need to know they are loved and known and appreciated.:)  Happy Weekend!!

Next generation of Dads being grown here!! Look at those protector skills he is honing!:) He is so good looking too!:)

(Eat your heart out little girls!! This is gonna be one AWESOME husband and daddy someday!!!!)

PS>I know I didn't post about BJ. I didn't for mostly one reason. HE DESERVES HIS OWN POST. Dude, for real.  He has been so SUPER DAD lately, he really needs a full post to himself. I AM so grateful for him. I love him SO MUCH!!!!! BJ is THE BEST Daddy I know, and I am so grateful that he is the one who is helping me raise these darling kids of ours. This man is basically a saint. In fact, aside from Fathers Day, we might declare our own St.Bernhard's Day in his honor. FOR REAL. :)

Resident Hero and Saint:) AND HE IS ALL MINE!!!!!:)