I am not very good at waiting.:)

SO, there has been a list needing to get accomplished, well FEELING like it needs to be accomplished, before this baby makes its appearance.

The list included, but was not limited to:
-getting the family room more awesome
-Denny's birthday
-painting furniture
-nesting parties
-etc...

I can't remember everything on the list. What I wanted to mostly say IS that most of that stuff if not all IS DONE.

Now where is the baby?

STILL IN MY TUMMY.

I remember when I was pregnant with Alice how lots of people recommended having a birth project to work on for while I was in labor.

SO I made a quilt. I thought it was a GREAT idea to spend the first part of my labor doing something fun to help pass the time.

And then the quilt was done, and there was still no baby in the outside world. In fact I think it took more than five more hours for my Queen Alice to make her world debut.

I am not very good at waiting.

And it isn't like I have any energy to do anything at this point.  Just watch the Olympics and keep an ear out for my current offspring.  They have been really good so far<----I AM SO GRATEFUL.

Jane has been making the other kids lunch lately.  Can I tell you how much I totally dig that?!

Oh! And Denny's birthday was yesterday.  BJ ended up staying home for lots of various reasons, and so that helped the day totally rock, and be WAY LESS stressful than I thought it was going to be.
Denny had a great time with friends over.  BJ dressed up as a "bad guy" and then Denny and his friends got to "fight" him with homemade pool noodle light sabers. It was awesome until BJ was TOO SCARY and made half the little guys cry.....oh dear....

Anyways, now I am waiting, and doing some more waiting.  I am mostly fine with the waiting generally.  I would love to go into labor naturally.  But I would also love to have this baby today....you know.:)
I was really stressed about the baby coming yesterday because Denny REALLY DID NOT want a sister sharing his birthday. But now yesterday is over, and there is nothing more NEEDING to get done....except HAVING THIS BABY.  Did I mention that my Mum needs the baby blessing at church to be on the 12th of August so she can be there?:) No pressure. Well the full moon is coming.  Maybe that will be our sign.:)

Also, the flys in my house are driving me crazy. 

SUMMER OLYMPICS!!!!

So I was thinking, yesterday on my walk, how perfect would it be to have my water break on my walk, then be in serious labor during the Olympic opening ceremonies, and then have the baby right after midnight.  Then we could go to sleep, and wake up with happy times.

That did not happen.:)
Oh well.

So instead of posting super cute new baby pictures I will write a few thoughts on the Olympics.

I LOVE the summer Olympics.  My son was born right before the last summer Olympics, and it is just super fun to be having a baby around this time again. I remember it POURING down rain and creating our very own Chinese Olympic rice patty, atleast a foot deep....that completely soaked into the ground in less than an hour...VEGAS.:)

I LOVE the feeling of the Olympics.  There are a ton of cynics out there who go on and on and on about the materialism and so forth that sometimes surrounds the Olympic Games, but what *I* love is the world unity it brings out in people.  I love watching a game and seeing someone not quite make it, but still be smiling, and being congratulated on their great effort by other country team mates. 

I love that school children in England chose different countries to sponsor and cheer for.  I mean, if that isn't the true spirit of fair play I don't know what is.:)

Last night we let the kids stay up to watch the opening ceremonies and it was such a blast.  We had lots of crayons and paper so they could make all the different flags to cheer the different countries on in the next few weeks.  It was fun teaching them about different countries and cultures through the medium of the Olympics.

Anyways, some of the things I loved about the opening ceremonies:

-the lighting of the big flame! Holy cow that was GORGEOUS!! The view from underneath the flames was breath taking.

-Rowan Atkinson.  Oh man, I think he is so hilarious.  I am so glad he had a moment of awesome at the ceremonies.:)

-Paul, it was so completely delightful singing "na na na na na na na" with you.:)

-OK, was I the ONLY one getting a mega LOTR vibe in this part of the ceremonies?:) FORGING THE ONE RING...I mean, come on.;)

Anyways, we are so excited to watch the games here.  We have a super ghetto tv that gets horrible reception, even with an antenna, so we have had to totally temporarily rearrange our living room to accomodate the games, but it is worth it.:)  Beach volleyball....ohmygator....SO EXCITED!!!! I didn't really grow up in a sports mania home, but I am excited about the Olympics.  We will be rooting on all sorts of favorite countries.:)

Well, my tummy has been crazy all day today.  Could be practicing, could be the real thing.  Probably just practicing, but you never know.  It looks like a storm is brewing outside....MY FAVORITE!!!!!!!:)

Happy Saturday!

QUESTION: What is YOUR favorite thing or favorite part of the Olympics?  Who are YOU rooting for?:)

Waiting for baby

Waiting for this darling baby to come has put my family on the weirdest schedule.

None of us are waking up before 9.
Then the kids watch a show and eat breakfast while Mum continues to try and wake her body up.

Then it takes basically the rest of the morning to get all the way ready for the day. Though some days that still means people are in pajamas....I am not sure what all we are doing all morning, but it ain't a lot.

Then we have lunch...sometimes around 1 or 2ish....
Jane has been making lunch for everyone lately.:) Thumbs up!:)
Alice helped make sandwiches with Jane yesterday.:) Love it!
I am a GREAT believer in teaching independence at a young age.
That may be a tiny bit due to laziness on my part.....:)

After lunch we rest and watch another show together.
Can I add that this is one of my favorite parts of the day lately?
I lay down, then Jane sits beside me holding my hand.
Alice is cuddled up right in front of me, laying down.
And my son is perched on top of me, laying down on my side basically. 
It is like they have built a human fort of babies around me.:)
I am completely surrounded by babies, and I LOVE it!:)

Then I have no idea what we do until Dad gets home.

Eventually he gets home.
He makes dinner.
Or goes out with the kids and picks up Subway or something.

Then I go on my walk up to campus.
While BJ puts the kids to bed.

Putting the kids to bed lasts a long time lately.
It involves them cleaning and playing for a few hours.
Sometimes they make it into their pajamas.

I am not home, and I am not putting them to bed, so I can't really complain about BJ's technique.:)
As long as their rooms are cleaned up, and their teeth are brushed...:)

BJ then does all the dishes for the day, and maybe cleans up the family room or does some other chore needing to be done.

I have returned home by 8ish, and am in the shower, and then collapsed on the couch.
I drink a quart of tea and have a snack.
And then I relax and watch probably Biggest Loser or As Time Goes By for an episode or two.
BJ comes and hangs out with me for a bit.

The kids are finally asleep by 10 typically.
BJ and I hang out, just chilling, and usually making jokes until about 12.
By then the quart of tea is you know....out.:)

Then we turn off all the lights, lock the doors, get ready for bed.
I go in and kiss the babies goodnight and seal it with a prayer that they will be safe through the night.
Then BJ and I have our evening prayer together.
BJ turns on the lavender diffuser and essential oils the crazy out of my feet and legs.
He waits for me to stop chatting with him, and then gives me a goodnight massage.
I have been falling asleep in about twenty minutes, which is AMAZING for me.

He is basically asleep as well.

Maybe the kids will wake up needing something.
BJ to the rescue.

I will wake up every hour or half hour at the call of nature.

Then we begin again.

*****

Not much is getting done. I will be very excited when this darling one comes out into the world. Yes, it will be crazy for awhile, but I have done this three times now, and the crazy will pass, and bodymyown will be heaven, and our family can return to a little more normal schedule.  I am VERY MUCH looking forward to recovering from this pregnancy.:)

I need to make 3-4 little Jedi robes today.  Anyone want to do it for me?  I just want to lay on the couch.:)

Knock on wood! Or come what may!:)

So BJ graduated high school at the age of 12.  I kind of just assume my kids will be graduating early as well, though not that early.  I don't EXPECT them too, but it just kind of feels like maybe some of them will.

Last night BJ and I were talking about this and how Jane is SUCH A LITTLE MUMMA.  Her mother heart is GINORMOUS!!! And how she is probably going to get married young. This kind of frightens me a bit.
Anyways, BJ was joking about us having to sign a waiver cause she was going to get married at 16 and I was like NO WAY!

AND THEN I KNOCKED ON WOOD.

Do you know why I knocked on wood?
Because I swear every time I say "I will never!", then it happens somehow that I do.

Cloth diapering, homeschool, home birth, falling in love with a guy about to serve a 2 year church mission, etc....

Lately I have been super surprised at some feelings I have been having that I thought I WOULD NEVER EVER have.

I AM SO HAPPY TO BE IN UTAH RIGHT NOW.<-----so unexpected!!

The first time I lived here(about a decade ago! I am getting so old!:) I was attending the Y, and just felt so homesick for WA.  WA is green and beautiful.  Utah felt SO BROWN and ugly. It felt like there were NO TREES here.  I mean, just compare the mountains in WA and UT and you can kind of see what I mean.  I remember that there were really bad fires on the Y mountain that first semester, and one day the sky turned orange with yucky smoke.  Then it rained.....MUD.  It was the grossest thing this 19 year old had ever experienced.  You could literally see the orange sky turning blue as the rain cleansed the sky.  I remember looking down at my black capri pants and being horrified that they had turned brown in the "rain".  I loved BYU with all my little heart, but Utah was another thing all together!

Sometimes in the quad they would set up a soapbox for the students to have fun with.  I remember one dude from California getting up and talking about how he was starting a fund to dig out the whole BYU campus and move it to the CA coast.  I laughed so hard, but was in eighty million agreeance.:)  BYU on the beach sounded good to me!:)

The second time I lived in Provo I came with a cute husband.  We were DIRT POOR.  All our money had been used up in the move.  I remember going to a restaurant for breakfast the morning after we got there cause we didn't have any food yet or something, and having to split the meal and being SOOO HUNGRY.  And not getting full enough from the meal, and feeling bitter thoughts towards my newish husband who ate more than I thought he should have(we split it up equally but hungry eyes are jealous eyes). Shudder.  It was not a pleasant experience. I remember how when we got to Utah it was such a bummer.  CA was finally in total Spring mode when we left, and now we were back into WINTER. BLECH!

I got to go back to school which I loved, but sometime during the semester BJ got laid off from work because of a business merge the company was going through, our car completely broke down and we began to really struggle.  It was a really dark time, and especially hard because we hadn't been married very long. After we left I thought I would never be happy to live in Utah again(not that I was ginormously happy there to begin with except for school.:)

Then we moved to the ACTUAL desert in Vegas and Utah started to look VERY green comparatively.:)
BJ even surprised me for my birthday one year and drove me back to Provo FOR FUN. And I LOVED IT!!

We have lived in four states during the time we have been married.  We began in beautiful Sacramento, CA which was lovely, but we weren't really progressing in our dreams there. So then we were off to return to Provo to finish school(which DID NOT WORK OUT AT ALL!! But was an important part of our journey.  We learned A LOT about each other and what it meant to be married, etc...). Then we were relocated to Nevada where we met a ton of wonderful people and hated everything else.:)  BJ really began his career there, and finished school which was good. AND we began our little clan which was VERY GOOD.:)  Then we lost our house and BJ's job was basically failing, so we picked up our little family and moved to WA for a year.  SUCH a wonderful reprieve, but we were living with family, which was a mixed happiness.

And now we are back in Utah.  Although there were good things about each place we have lived, we weren't really happy in any of them...until now.....IN UTAH. It is so surprising to me!  CA was a really awesome place! Nevada had amazing opportunities! WA is basically where my home heart is! BUT in every single one of those places there were times where I just hated being there.  HATED IT, and let BJ know lots and lots.  For lots of different reasons.

And now, ironically, IN UTAH, a place I never really relished(except for school:) I am THRIVING.  I LOVE IT!  I have not said ONCE that I wish we were somewhere else(well, I do wish the ocean was here, but as for ACTUALLY moving right now, I am really content.  Someday we will move back to the coast, but I am so happy to be here NOW.).  I haven't said once that I hate being here. And I am so surprised! It is hot! It is dry! There are no beaches in Utah!

BUT I LOVE IT HERE SO MILLIONS!!! I LOVE Provo!  I love my neighborhood.  I love the people here.  I love going back to school.  I love that BJ has a really great job right now.  I love the opportunities that are coming to our family here. 

I love walking up to campus.  I have been doing it every evening lately to see if baby wants to come.:)  It is about 2 miles round trip.  On the walk there and back I get to walk through the darlingest neighborhoods.  I love looking at all the different kinds of houses here.  And the gardens! There are huge, mature trees lining the streets.  The mountains I have grown to love glow in the golden hour that I walk in every evening.:)  I make my way up the crazy south hill of campus and I just am in love with Provo. I get to the top and walk by the buildings on campus and just want to hug every one of them.:)

I have no idea why I love Provo and BYU so much.  I mean there are lots of wonderful things about this place, but there are lots of wonderful things about every place in the world!

I believe that when we find we love things and don't know why that those are signs of a personal purpose in our life's mission with those things.  I don't know how to say that very well.

I am SO happy to be in Utah.  AND I AM SO HAPPY TO BE IN A PLACE I AM HAPPY IN!!! The future here is so bright, and I am so grateful to feel that my family is exactly where we need to be.  I wonder if the pioneers felt a similar feeling when they finally got to Utah.  I mean, they traveled FAR to get here, after terrible persecution.  They were promised Zion and then arrived HERE.  A brown valley.  After leaving the green Midwest.  But here there was safety and peace.  That counts for millions, and I feel it.

Happy Thursday!!

BJ IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO A CLAIR. He is basically my soul mate.;)

Can I just positively vent for a minute?

BJ WAS SO PREPARED TO BE MY HUSBAND.
DUDE.

In SO MANY WAYS!

There have been several times where I have really felt a need to do something, or change something in our lives and he has totally backed me up every time. (Spending a grand on the garden every year? Done.And can I add we were living in the actual desert at the time?:))  And not just cause he is awesome(though he is AWESOME), but because he had already had experiences in HIS life that made what I was feeling feel totally right to him too.

Two really easy examples:

1.FOOD CHANGES-
-BJ has totally been awesome about the crazy food changes we have made over the years.
I really think him self-choosing to be a vegetarian for awhile in his youth prepared him for that.  Also his awesome mom introducing him to all sorts of different fruits and veggies that most kids never see.  Kumquats, even I have never had one.;)

It would have so been awful to have to go through all the chronic illness that I have, and found what I needed to change nutrition wise and not have the support of my husband.  I know a gal who has to have such a strict diet, and her husband still expects her to cook all sorts of things she can't eat for him. That would be really hard.  He could at the very least cook it himself!

2.HOMESCHOOL. Is it one word? Oh dear.:)
-Anyways, BJ was totally home taught as a youth.  I have not always been a super homeschool advocate myself.  In fact, I thought I was too crazy or disorganized/illiterate/etc.....to do it.  BJ was home taught and then happened to graduate at 12.  I remember when I was pregnant with Jane having terrible nightmares that she would come walking and talking out of my womb, and that I would have to homeschool her because she was super brilliant like her Dad.  Gradually over the years though I have had lots of experiences with talking about homeschool to friends and family, and dude, I am converted.  Public school is not evil, but I really appreciate the pros of homeschooling my kids.  And BJ was prepared his whole life to have a wife who wanted that for his children. (Even when she didn't know it yet!:)

Today I had some fears about the choices we were making, and just worrying about doing the right thing.(I spent way too much time on the Provo School District  and Utah Education websites today....not good homeschool kharma friends...), and I emailed me sweet love with all my doubts and worries and concerns, and he emailed me back reminding me of the answers to prayers we had received, and just totally helping me remember what we were trying to accomplish and how he was totally there with me in what I believe is right for our kids right now.  It was SO WONDERFUL.  Being on the same page is so awesome feeling.

I think that it so rocks. And I don't think it is coincidental.  We didn't talk about these things while we were courting, so that didn't create this wonderful thing.

I think Heavenly Father knew BJ was just the right guy for this Clair and helped me find this guy through crazy odds.:)

Anyways, BJ rocks. At least to me.  And he is so exactly what I needed for a husband/helpmeet/best friend/lover/companion/etc...:)

I am so grateful he was prepared to have me for a wife.:) SO GRATEFUL.:)   I'm kind of a crazy gal you know?:)

Change and Poor Jamie Oliver.

Last night I watched Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution right before bed.  BAD IDEA.  I had heard it was such a great show, and so I thought I would check it out.  I LOVE documentaries about people who are trying to change America's idea about what REAL FOOD is.  But this one, oh Jamie.  He had a really great idea, but it just went all wrong.  I felt really badly for him. He had really good intentions, but man, it went all wrong.  He tried to change people's ideas, but it felt like he was going about it WAY the hard way.  I couldn't believe how closed-minded and completely blind these people were either.  I get part of their point of view, I mean a total stranger coming in to tell them how to eat, not going to go over well probably.  BUT seeing so many people completely accept so many false ideas about nutrition was SHOCKING.  I mean, kids didn't know what veggies were.  Like, they couldn't identify them.  My sister married a guy like this. He had never had strawberries or pineapple before.  He didn't know what asparagus or broccoli were. It was a real eye opener.

It got me to thinking about change, and what a real PROCESS it is. Real change takes A LOT of effort, and it usually needs to come from several directions all at once.  I know to truly turn around my chronic health problems I have had to change a whole handful things all at once for the real health change to happen.  For me, a pill just wasn't going to miraculously cure me.(And in fact, most doctors I turned to gave me no hope for any change in my health, and basically said I would just have to live the rest of my life that way. Not one of them ever talked about nutrition or other non-drug options. Are drugs and surgery all doctors ever learn anymore? Scary!)  I had to change how I looked at food, I had to start an exercise routine, I had to deal with the emotional and stress-related side of health and disease.  I needed to clear out the negative in my life and turn towards the positive.

It feels like almost all change requires this kind of multi-faceted approach. AND hard work. AND dedication. AND PATIENCE. Patience with the process, patience with self.  Change is a work of endurance SO OFTEN. (Can I add that endurance is really NOT one of my strengths?!)

Sometimes change is hard because we want it all at once.  To be frank, this is me most often.:)  I want it NOW!(<---See, no bueno at endurance...)  When really, the best change happens line upon line, precept upon precept.  Usually one person at a time, one thing at a time. Which can feel a bit complicated because so often you have to change many things at once to change one big thing(like health).  So all at once in big ways feels the most productive right?! oh my....

I don't think I will keep watching poor Jamie tackle the world, but I hope things got a bit easier for him.  I hope he figured out how to reach out to the right people to help them see how to make real change in their health and in their lives. I hope he was able to get people to see that health is really scary in America right now.  We have so many things going for us compared to the world, but health is NOT one of them. Being the fattest people in the world is not something to be great at. Obesity is a scary epidemic in our country right now.  We spend billions of American dollars taking care of people who are sick because of obesity related illnesses and diseases.  Surgeries and medicine aren't going to fix this problem, just keep people from dieing at this point(which is good! BUT not what our goal should be!).  That is not thriving! We need to thrive in America! No one deserves to live an obese life.  And it has turned into a generational problem.  We are passing down really scary things to our children because that is all we know.  I know that I am personally dealing with this.  I can make a great meal in a bag, but to cook whole foods for a whole week can sometimes overwhelm me to the point of McD's!!!:)(<---- I take it to the extreme for sure.:)

The people that have died in my family have not died of natural causes.  They didn't just get old and then peacefully pass away.  They died of breast cancer, Parkinson's, and other horrible health problems.  We deserve better lives and deaths than that.  OUR CHILDREN FOR SURE deserve better.  Not only for themselves, but they deserve to have their relatives around for as long as they can.  I believe we aren't just doomed to die in a sick way.  We aren't doomed to having to have cancer or other horrible things.  We can turn around these health problems, but it is going to take serious effort and PURPOSEFUL CHANGE.  Food change, nutrition change, exercise change, LIFESTYLE CHANGE.  The kinds of lives we are living right now in American is NOT WORKING.  We need change, and people are doing it all over this country.  Biggest Loser has proved that through nutrition and exercise you can totally reverse a whole slew of diseases caused by obesity.  Diabetes is no longer incurable for most people.  People like Dr.Furhman are turning cancer around, as well as many other "incurable" illnesses related to allergies, auto-immune diseases, etc. WE CAN make a change! REAL CHANGES. 

I have to laugh a bit at myself, though it isn't really funny.  I am very passionate about health.  Some people get up in arms about gun rights, or abortion, or whatever else.  Those things are also very important. But health, I think, is my thing.  I have been greatly affected by poor health myself, and through losing close, loved ones from bad health and bad health habits. I can not help but see the connection between health and nutrition, it has been VERY plain in my family.

Hee hee, I try not to get preachy, but like all other passionates, it is hard sometimes.:) Hopefully, I won't get too crazy and offend EVERYONE.:) (shaking the head, poor Jamie.....)

Change is hard.
BUT change is TOTALLY DOABLE.
AND it is important.
SOMETIMES VITAL.

One last plug to America in general:

I really believe that if you could do just these three simple things, AMAZING changes would start to happen in our health. It wouldn't solve all the health problems, but it would be a really great way to BEGIN.:)

1.Before you eat anything else for lunch or dinner, eat a big plateful of salad full of lots of greens and other colorful veggies. THEN eat whatever else is for dinner or lunch. That's pretty dang simple right?:)

2.Get out and move everyday.  Walking is all it takes really!  Start small and add a block or two when you can. Walking is SO THERAPEUTIC!!!  It gets bad lymph and yuck going out of your body, it improves circulation, AND it is pretty easy on the body(athletic wise).  Wear good shoes when you start really going for it. I am telling you, last summer when I was walking a few hours a day(you don't have to be crazy like that, I was working on losing weight and I really just love to walk.;), I bought some gel inserts for my shoes and they were MIRACULOUS. Walking is also a great time to meditate and get some emotional stress out of your body as well as the physical stress.  I really feel stress is one of the leading causes of almost all disease.  We need to get that emotional yuck out of our systems!!!

3.Drink water. Half your body weight in ounces is the current recommendation, but dude, if you are new to drinking lots of water, work up to it.:)

Those are pretty easy things to do right?:)

OK, end of soap box speech.  I really am still in the middle phases of health change in our family.  It is a huge change going from corn dogs and ramen three times a day to applying whole foods principles on a daily basis.  Progress is happening , but it is hard and slow.:) But I am gonna keep at it!

Hope your Wednesday is lovely! I am going to be working on getting ready for this baby to come!

And in case you are wondering, MY health goals for today are:

1.Take all my herbs
2.Get AT LEAST one great, huge serving of green veggies in my body today.
3.Drink three quarts of water(one quart may be red rasp leaf tea)
4.Make sure my kids get some veggies in their bodies today.:)
5. Walk up to campus for my daily, Heidi Rose this could be our night! walk.:)

So simple, but hard to accomplish on some days. I get you America and I am right there with you trying my best.:) 

What ended up happening yesterday and why I should have just trusted in the Lord from the beginning.:)

I think I say "feelings" about a million times in this post. Good gravy.:)

So yesterday was pretty disquieting in our home. Basically a million things were going all wrong and Clair was stressed beyond the max.

ALSO, as I have mentioned before, at this point in my pregnancies I go through a sort of emotional climax/purge type thing.  This requires the emotions to actually COME OUT.  VERY difficult for me.  I have definitely been the type to hold in things until they burst, my whole life.  Dealing with feelings that aren't happy just doesn't feel very good.  And in my life there has been way too many negative feelings to deal with.

ANYWAYS, so yesterday totally stunk.

Rewind to Sunday night.
I had a blessing where I was promised that the Lord would super be with me the next day and that I would find healing in strange places.

So Yesterday(Monday), whilst going through all these super stressful and hard things I kept thinking about my blessing, and how the heck was it applying itself?

I remember at one point of the day I was just really feeling like if I could just cry really hard then I would feel SO MUCH BETTER.  I was also feeling a whole bunch of feelings about whether or not I was feeling emotionally ready to have this baby.  My labors stall really easy or just don't start until I am at a certain readiness point. Not everyone is like that, but I for sure am.  Alice's labor is a really good example of that. Her labor kept stalling and stalling and stalling, and finally I had a seriously good cry and talk with my doula and BJ was finally free from the kids and was able to be by my side permanantly for the rest of the labor, and then it was active labor from there! It was amazing!

Anyways, yesterday I was feeling that a lot of this stress and some fears I was having about everything was holding back the process of this baby coming.  I really just needed to cry good and hard and let it all out. But I hate crying! And I just couldn't do it.

And then the day just kept getting worse and worse and WORSE.

UNTIL I FINALLY CRIED AND CRIED AND CRIED.

And after I was done crying my blessing came back to me and it all of a sudden hit me.

The two things that stuck out to me in my blessing:
1.Heavenly Father was going to be close to me all day.
2.I would find healing in strange places.

Well, I was FOR SURE thinking about Heavenly Father all day.  Sometimes in a, "Where are you?" way, but definitely thinking about Him.  I prayed a ton yesterday, with great effort on sincerity.  I also put in some churchy music at one point to help me calm the crazy down. I really felt yesterday that ME thinking about HIM was going to be a huge part of feeling He was close. I can't explain that perfectly well.:)

And HE WAS THERE.  Right by me, all day.  Even when I was having a hard time feeling it.
And I super know He was there because of the second thing in the blessing.

I felt so sick and crazy all day yesterday.  My anxiety just kept mounting and mounting and mounting. I was literally shaking at one point I was so stressed out.  And then I cried. And I felt millions better, and so relieved. (My Saint Bernhard also made some really important calls that miraculously made some progress with some of the stresses<----this also helped a lot!:). But the crying was the really big key.  <----healing. And the only way I was going to be able to cry yesterday was by the day getting more and more lame apparently.<-----healing in strange places.

SO, this is what I learned from yesterday:

-It is so much better to trust in the Lord than to get angry and eat ice cream for lunch(I tried those too, it made me feel SO SICK. BAD CHOICE. At least for me.:))

-Sometimes I get really frustrated that so many people seem to get so much relief from junk food and swearing when they are upset, and I just feel like crap when I try those things.  Not even in a guilty way, just in a really, that made me feel worse way.  Maybe I am swearing wrong?;)

-Trusting in Heavenly Father was super hard.  Especially because I could not see how His way was going to work. But it was the ONLY way the day was able to get better, and let me progress. By the end of yesterday I felt a million better. There were so many blessings at the end of yesterday.  People were prompted to say certain things to me, or do some service that I didn't know we needed.  I know that these are all huge blessings inspired by heaven.  I am so grateful to be surrounded right now by people who pray to be inspired, and who follow those promptings once they receive them. 

-I have been super struggling with the end of this pregnancy and being ok with it ending. Because of how the Lord worked my day I was able to finally feel totally ok with this baby coming.  I even walked all the way up to campus last night to see if we could have a Pioneer Day baby today.;)  The entire walk I felt so much peace and gratitude.  After such a crazy horrible day how was that possible?!?  It was possible because Heavenly Father is real and smarter than me.  He knew exactly what I needed, and helped me even when I couldn't see the way and had basically no hope or faith left in me to get through these stressful things.

So my children are starting to climb and grab and need at this very second, so I can't really keep concentrating on writing, but I really wanted to record this experience for me.  This has been a milestone in this pregnancy for me, and I feel really grateful.  Yesterday was so hard. SO HARD, but I got through it.  Heavenly Father had a plan for yesterday all along.  I just needed to trust in Him.:)

Happy Pioneer Day!!! Or Happy Tuesday to everyone outside of Utah!:)

QUESTION: Have you ever had an experience where you had an answer to prayer or a blessing where you were like, "How the crazy is that going to work, or solve the problem?!"  And then it was just exactly what you needed?:)