A Canoe and a Camera and An Important List:)

One of my very favorite stories about my Mum is about this one time she really, REALLY, really wanted a nice camera and a canoe, but she couldn't afford it.  She was raising seven kids and just couldn't justify the expense when there were so many other things our family needed.

My Mum LOVES taking pictures.  Her pictures of Europe are incredible.  I love vacationing with her because I am TERRIBLE at remembering to take pictures, but she always takes a million.  And her pictures always come out great!

My Mum and Pop also LOVE TO CANOE.  They love going up into the mountains and canoeing on the lake.:)  Someday they have a dream of having a cabin on a lake, and I am sure canoeing in the moonlight is part of that dream.:)

My Mum didn't have the money for these two things, but she really wanted them.

So you know what she did? 

She made a list of things she really wanted, but didn't really NEED(mainly a nice camera and a canoe).

THEN she said a prayer.  She told Heavenly Father she didn't need these things, but they were part of her heart's desire.  Knowing my Mum she probably also thanked her Father in Heaven for the blessings she DID have in her life.:) Then she tucked her list into her drawer and went on with the business of family craziness.

A while later she was at the store and randomly entered one of those contests where you give your name and contact info and put the little paper in the box.  She never does stuff like that, and she NEVER would win if she randomly did.

THIS TIME SHE WON.  She won A THOUSAND DOLLARS.  And she felt that this money was a gift from a loving Heavenly Father who knew that even though she didn't need a nice camera or canoe, that she could have them anyways. She knew that this was Heavenly Father telling her that needs AND heart's desires are important to Heavenly Father.  He won't always give us EVERYTHING we want, but He helps us attain our dreams and desires as much as is good for us and as much as He can.  Like any good parent.:)  (BJ adds-especially when we are working as hard as we can at the really important things in our lives.)

*****
I love that story.  I know that Heavenly Father cares about our needs AND our hearts' desires.  Our dreams are important to Him, and I will even go so far as to say that many of our dreams are FROM Him and inspired by Him.

Lately I have been making my own list of MY heart's desires.  I don't know why exactly that this is important to me, only that I need to do it.  I need to be specific in my prayers about things right now.

Maybe part of writing them down and praying about them is important because it reminds me Heavenly Father cares.  I know He cares. And my dreams are there for a reason, and not just to make me unhappy that they aren't all coming true in this moment of my life.  Cause that is how it feels sometimes.

Some of my heart's desires are very down to earth. One I am constantly battling and working on is getting healthy so I can be a person/Mum/wife/friend/etc...  This is a TRUE heart's desire for me.  And it is one of the first things on my list.  I truly believe that putting it on that list is important.  Not only to me, but to my Heavenly Father.  It is important for me to talk to Heavenly Father about it.  I can read a million books on health and make a million plans and spend a million dollars on said plans, but Heavenly Father can do more.  He can guide me.  He can map out the perfect way to integrate real health into my life.  He knows how to make things possible and how to make them happen.

Health may seem totally weird to put on a list like I am talking about.  It is totally different than a canoe.:)  And almost more in the NEEDS category. But it feels right for me to put it on that list.  It is difficult for me to put it into words. Maybe it is on that list because there is only so much I can do.  I need that extra amount of miracle.  That extra amount of grace to make it just that much better than a need fulfilled.  I want true health.  I want something I can't usually do alone by my own efforts. There is a lot you can survive with poor health.  So it feels like more than a need to me right now.

Clothes not full of holes were on my list.:) Believe it or not my ENTIRE wardrobe was basically holey clothes.  I had maybe one or two shirts that didn't really go with anything that didn't have holes in them.   The other weekend I woke up and Heavenly Father said it was ok to go shopping.  I felt like I should have been packing, since we were moving the following week, but the Lord knew what I needed right then.  I needed to feel good about myself in a way that clean, comely, un-holey clothes make you feel.  During and after the move I can't tell you how comforting those clothes were.  This last weekend I was SO SICK from the unhealthy "moving food" we had eaten all week.  Wearing cute clothes while I was sick TOTALLY lifted my spirits.  I know that that was a blessing from Heavenly Father.
He planned for my needs when I was sick: a husband with the priesthood to give me a blessing, food that would heal me, herbal knowledge to heal me, an awesome midwife that I could call up, etc. BUT Heavenly Father also provided for my hearts desires.  He gave me a cute little bedroom with lots of light in the windows and lace curtains to lift me.  He gave me cute clothes to lounge in bed in while I felt SO SICK.  He is SO kind and generous to us.  It is amazing.

The above two things sound kind of more like needs in some ways.  I guess when you are living in less than survival mode for so many years it is amazing to see what REALLY is a NEED or want.:)  Hopefully, un-holey clothes and great health will get better so they will not have to be such a luxury. I have other things on my list. Things more like a canoe or nice camera. They are so personal to me though, it is hard to write about them publicly.:)  These kinds of lists can be very personal, or not.:)  But I have been feeling that they are really important to write down and to talk about with our Heavenly Father.:)

Anyways, just something to think about today.:)

Today's question: What are your heart's desires?  What are your canoes and nice cameras?  You don't have to post them, but do write them down today.  Talk with your Heavenly Father about them.  Even if it is in an informal thinking-type prayer. Heavenly Father loves you so much and wants us to live our dreams and to have the things we need as well as the things we desire in our hearts. He wants us to communicate our heart's desires to Him.  He wants to be part of our journey and our adventure here.  He wants to be part of the planning process, and He wants to bless us.  Maybe that is the BEST reason to follow this idea today.  When we tell Heavenly Father the inmost desires of our hearts, and THEN He helps fulfill them, it is much easier to see His hand in our lives.  Just a thought.  Happy Wednesday! 

If you're tired and you know it write a post!

I am not a woman in fan of a beard on my Beloved.  It has nothing to do with looks, it is all about comfortable making out and cuddling.

For the same reason I am not a fan of crunchy hair gel or such in my own True Love's hair.  It is not comfy for cuddling.  It is yucky.  It DOES look good.  And I like a good looking lover, but as for cuddling coziness....bleck to the hair products. 

BJ has not shaved in forever.  His reasons for not shaving have been pathetic, so I don't remember them.

Something interesting has come out of this.  It is probably really disturbing psychologically, but I am not a psychology fan at all, so never mind that.

When I see BJ's beardy face all relaxed over there(BJ does a REALLY good relaxed face) it makes me want to go over and put my hands on his face and rub his cheeks like a puppy and say, "Who's the good boy?!  Who's the good boy!?"

I admit, I have done this several times this week.

I think most people would be normal and offended.  We just think it is HILARIOUS.

We are NOT NORMAL.

We are OK with that.

THE END.  Happy Tuesday!

Today's question: Do you ever do weird things that are not normal?  If you answer no....THAT is weird.

RANDOM THINGS on my mind today:) Also, I want a nap.:)

Today I feel like I have nothing to say.  Not in  bad way.  I just don't have anything deep or anecdotal to share.  So instead of a normal post I will just write down a list for ya.

Here is what IS in my head today:

-I am so glad to not feel sick today like I did ALL WEEKEND.

-The house we are living in is OLD. There is nothing ESPECIALLY charming about it.  Yet somehow it speaks to something in my soul.  I LOVE this little house(except for the wiring not being upgraded...). I love a house that feels old and layered and lived in.

-My kids are so cute...AND ACTIVE TODAY.  I am so excited about getting the house in order post haste so they can have more activities during the day. Right now they are happy with the sand box and empty cardboard boxes, but I know they are going to want more from me SOON!  SO I gotta keep getting healthy so my energy is up! AND I gotta get the office/craft room organized so I know where the scissors and glue are when Jane is desperate for a project to do.:) 

-I am starting to get re-excited about Heidi Rosalind joining our family in just a few months!!!  BJ and I start a series of Hypnobabies classes in a few weeks and I am way pumped.  I LOVE me some labor!:) We are really starting to feel so FAMILY-ISH.:) Not that families can't be any size, but a big family really feels so family-ish, and it is fun to see our family grow and enjoy the things that come with that.:)

-I wish this was a house we BOUGHT. BJ and I are really house owning type people.  We like to tear apart and rebuild things.:)  But I am also grateful that if something breaks hopefully the landlords will take care of it.:)

-My kitchen is pretty dang clean....the family room is another thing...Organizing toys is my worst night mare.  I think I need some baskets.  Baskets solve a world of stress in a home.

-BJ works TOO MUCH away from us.:)  I saw him so much last week with the move, but it wasn't enough!

-The part in the movie LITTLE RASCALS where they try to take a loan out at the bank is HILARIOUS.

-Cute clothes make being sick LESS AWFUL by A MILLION.:)

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: More like a question.  What are you thinking about today?  Are you having a positive and productive day?(<--me like:)  Are you having a positive and lazy day?(<---me like too:)  Are Mondays the bane of your life?  Tuesdays are our least favorite day. I hope however your day is going that it ends up peaceful.:)  I have been doing green clay face masks every Saturday night.  GOOD IDEA.:)

BONUS POST: OH MY LUNCH!!!! Here's a giggle for ya.;)

This is a picture of my DREAM FRIDGE(well my dream fridge CONTENTS).

*****

Oh the absolute JOYS of moving.

Today lunch went like this:

What shall we have for lunch today children?!:):):):)
How about turkey sandwiches?
Oh. No mayonnaise?  NO TURKEY.  No turkey because while Mumma was showering Alice snuck in the kitchen and ate it all?
OK.

How about a quick, yummy, cooks in ten minutes on the stove top chicken meal thingy in a bag?
No pots or pans?  NONE?  Those trendy items are apparently some of the VERY FEW things left two blocks away at the old apartment.
OK.

I know!  An old classic.  PB & J sandwiches.  Can't go wrong there.  Got the bread!  Got the PB! WHAT?!  NO JELLY.  Also left in the other fridge....even though basically EVERYTHING ELSE in the OTHER FRIDGE got brought over yesterday....
OK WAIT.  WE HAVE HONEY.  PB & HONEY.  There we go. And for Mum a green smoothie to keep the energy up! UP! UP!!!!

No vita-mix........I know.  I know....at the OTHER APARTMENT.....OK....a healthy portion of apples and I have no idea what else for Mum.......

I LOVE MOVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOO!!!!!!!!:)

We are SO BLESSED to be HERE.

Peaceful.  My favorite thing about the new house is how peaceful it is.
It wasn't as if the old apartment was necessarily noisy, but the quality of peace in the air here is so divine.

I love a home where all the lights can be off during the day because the windows bring in enough light.

I love a home where the bathroom has a window, come to find out.  I love feeling the morning light as I am getting ready for the day.  So much more refreshing than getting ready in a sunless bathroom.

Natural light is such a beautiful, energizing gift from God.

I love a home with lace curtains in my bedroom.  I love a not precious/girly, but elegant/homey/feminine mixed with masculine bedroom.  Lace curtains, my beautiful antique wardrobe, and a promised vanity table make up my feminine loveliness.  A big, hardy, dark wooden bed, BJ's guitar and a gentleman's valet provide the traditional/easy going masculine.  I love a bedroom that is a sanctuary, and mine is turning back into one.

*****

For the last few days we have been busy bees trying to get everything over to the new place.  Although there are still a few things to take care of over at the old apartment, BJ is back to work and I am back to getting into a family routine.(Won't be TOO effective though since it is FRIDAY;).

Back to laundry.  Back to tidying the kitchen.  What is it about natural light, a place for everything, and clean, cool air coming in the window that makes me want to live in my kitchen?

I AM SO GRATEFUL.  I am SO GRATEFUL for this new home in our lives.  I am so excited.  I AM SO EXCITED to be able to have a house that can be our home for the next while. This move has been the biggest blessing to our family. I can't even put it into words.

To anyone who visits us, HOUSE BEAUTIFUL my home may not be at the moment with boxes and unhung pictures and day dreams lying around, but it is to me.  Tonight we will find a place to hang our picture of the Savior and then dedicate our home with a blessing. We will read bedtime stories, or at least promise bedtime stories if the kids get ready for bed fast enough:). The kids will fight over who gets to sleep in the top bunk.  Alice will drive us all crazy because she will keep going up on the top and then we will have to tell her for the thousandth time that she can't go up onto the top bunk until she learns how to get down by herself.  Jane will want MORE Mommy Time, and after Denny and Alice fall asleep and Mum and Dad go into the other room for Mommy/Daddy Time she will tell us to go to bed, in a very angry and perturbed voice,  so we won't be sleepy in the morning. After Jane is FINALLY asleep  we will turn off all the lights, but the bathroom one, and lock all the doors. I'll climb into our yummy bed with CLEAN sheets(thanks to our new maid in the basement who loves to wash and dry clothes:), and get about as comfortable as a pregnant whale can at 27-ish weeks. Then BJ will rub my feet with lavender and read a book to me until I am basically asleep, and then he will climb into bed beside me and hold my hand.  We'll squish each other's hands with our family's secret "I love you message" until we are both well into the land of dreams.  And tomorrow.  TOMORROW will bring a whole new set of tasks and adventures.....


TODAY'S CHALLENGE: What makes a home a home for you?  What are your FAVORITE rooms in your home? 

Because isn't it inevitable?

So IMPORTANT question of the day.

When you move do you leave a roll of toilet paper in the bathroom for the next patron?  Or do you take every last roll with you?

Because isn't it inevitable.....?:)

PS.Just so you know.  The former residents of OUR home DID leave us a roll and soap.  FOR WHICH WE WERE VERY GRATEFUL.  It WAS inevitable.:)

Girlhood dreams:)

Today we get the keys to the new house we are renting.  I have to keep reminding myself that we are RENTING because it feels like it is going to be OUR house.:) 

The last time we lived in a house(not including last year when we lived with my Mum:) we DID own the house.  It was our own little cottage.  We lost that house because of so many hard life things that hit us. We were able to get rid of it through a short sale, which was a huge blessing, but it still felt like failure in a lot of ways.  We had to leave A LOT of things behind with that house because we didn't have the money to move it, and we didn't have a place of our own to move it to since we were going to temporarily(for how long we didn't know) be living with my folks.

That year in WA was a huge blessing.  So much healing began to process in the BJHamaker family. Physically, emotionally, etc.

Moving to Utah this last Fall felt like the beginning of life again. When you are so busy being sick, and dealing with hard life things you can't really live normal life things.  You can't really enjoy the pleasures of a daily/weekly routine.  You don't get family pictures taken because you don't have the time or money.  You don't really have a wardrobe because you are spending all your money trying to keep up with the bills and feeding your family and buying medicine.

Right now my husband has a job that can pay for ALL the bills.  Right now we are making a move from a tiny apartment to...a tiny house.:)  BUT!  A tiny house with a big backyard and tons of storage space, and right by the park and so many awesome friends!

*****

Last night as I was waiting to hear about when we were going to get the keys to the new place so we could start moving in I was listening to some old Randy Travis songs that I listened to as a young girl.  We went on a lot of really long road trips when I was growing up and I have really vivid memories of listening to one Randy Travis tape over and over and over again on my headphones.  I realized last night that some of the lyrics were a bit mature for a girl my age, but the beautiful LIFE meanings were very real to me.  They spoke of what makes a home and what makes a family and TRUE love.  Now I know country gets made fun of for being maudlin, but just stop rolling your eyes at me for a second, and pretend to feel some validity to what I am typing.:) (and good grief to the max, emo and rock get just as bad as people believe country can get:)

I grew up wanting to live the way those songs made me dream as a young girl.  When I fell in love with BJ it was incredible and life changing.  Marrying him began an adventure I had been dreaming about since, I swear, before the pre-mortal experience.;)

I had married my prince and fully expected to live happily there ever after, but I also knew happily ever after came with hard times as well asthe awesome times.  I just had no idea HOW hard they were going to be.

Climbing out of the extremely taxing last few years has been a struggle. More than most couples could have born and stayed together.

Moving into this house...something deep inside me is awakening again.  Old dreams are surfacing into reality.
Listening to those songs last night reminded me WHY moving into this house is so important.

It is time to build again.  It is time to start living again and not just surviving and healing.
We have been working on this "living again" process for the last year or so, and now it is FINALLY the beginning of a new chapter for us.

Hard times will still come.  Maybe even SUPER hard times. 

But there are strong whisperings in my soul that tell me that we are going to get to live here for a good long while, and get to LIVE.  Get to get into a real routine(although, routines with children are CONSTANTLY changing....:), and we will start getting to do normal things.

Ack.  It is too difficult to explain what I mean.

Today I get to start living my childhood dreams again.  I CAN FEEL IT. And I feel SO blessed. I feel so blessed.:)

TODAY'S CHALLENGE: What childhood dreams are you living?  Or are working on or would like to be living?